Comatose
by User2356
Summary: <html><head></head>AU Story, Jack and Ianto are friends studying together in Uni when the worst thing possible happens to Jack affecting Ianto's life dramatically, bad summary but I don't want to give things away, please read :  Janto!</html>
1. Chapter 1: Part One

**A/N This was not originally a Torchwood story and had nothing to do with Janto which is why its so AU and probably out of character. I've tweaked it a bit though so i hope you like it, any questions ask me :]**

**WARNING: SWEARING THROUGHOUT **

As I staggered up the never ending stairs after another god awful night on the streets of lousy Edinburgh- for the capital we really are bloody boring- I began to wonder if the reason I was always home alone was because I was looking in the wrong place.

Jack would always get someone, weather a plastic short-skirted blonde or a bobbed dressy brunette, he had whoever took his fancy whereas I always landed myself with nothing- surely you can understand why Jack would be my idol.

He even gets called 'The Captian'- he's a lucky bastard.

This was why, while I pushed away the temptation to throw up my alcohol filled stomach on Saffron's door, I decided I was either too picky to get laid or gay. I know not if it was because I was under the influence of alcohol or the aurora of prophecy's and magic that surrounded Saffron and her flat that caused this thought to strike me but it did and it scared me enough to make me fumble my way to the flat and puke myself into oblivion.

At 4 am I heard the sounds of The Captain calling from outside- banging on the door too. I hauled myself from the cool, tiled floor, attempted to wipe some sick from my face and prayed to god that one day soon Jack would remember his keys. He never would but I live in hope.

I let Jack through only to regret it: I was met with his 'lets-go-get-rat-arsed-again' face.

"No." I groan- he's done this too many times before.

He only pouted in response; I wearily countered him raising my eyebrow, if he really thought I was going out again he was sorely mistaken. My head was thumping and this would only be more painful after vodka and cocktails god alone knew the ingredients of.

I tried walking away from him back to the floor but he grabbed my wrist and spun me grinning wickedly as I spluttered a moan of protest too shattered to really fight him; I was dragged across the room like a submissive ceilidh dancer. Had it been anyone else I would have thrown up on them but it was Jack and he was warm, soft but strong, wore aftershave even I couldn't resist (though he claimed it was just him) and currently the only thing holding me upright. I began to relax in his arms my head dulling as we slowed to a weird sway, _dancing with Jack- why wasn't this awkward_? My mind was racing but I ignored my brain and quickly turned to peaceful mush only to be disrupted by the man in question barking a loud and drunken laugh in my ear.

"Yan- you're falling asleep on me! Gerroff!"

I grumbled some slurred words before he laughed again and the world began to spin, I squeezed my lids shut daring the fireworks beneath my eyes to fizzle away. When re-opened them warmth had engulfed me: I was in Jack's bed with two choices- insist upon my own or sleep? Defiantly sleep.

Then I realised Jack was getting undressed…And climbing in the bed. I kicked around a bit hoping he'd get the message but all he did was mutter a small, "Fuck off, Ianto." And loosely spooned against me. Surprisingly it wasn't uncomfortable so I fell asleep, cosy, in _his_ bed… I could deal with the shit tomorrow.

* * *

><p>Jack was singing. <em>That<em> was what I woke up too, Christmas songs to be precise, in fact, it was East 17, bloody Take That's rivals … Apparently.

With my ears covered in pillow I groaned trying to block it out. Quickly giving up I wondered why I'd even bothered- covering you ears only ever works in film or TV.

"Jack, shut up!"

"No way I-"

"It's closer Easter than Christmas!" I swung my legs out of bed and rubbed my eyes.

He shrugged leaning on the door frame munching on toast, "'s close enough," he mumbled crumbles tumbling from his mouth, "an' _you, _get outta my bed!"

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked around taking in my surroundings- _how had I not noticed this? And what the heck was I doing in Jack's bed? _My eyes nearly popped out of my skull when the first possibility came to me- _shit. _I couldn't remember a thing- what happened? How much did I drink?Why am I in Jack's bed?_ Why am I in Jack's bed? WHY AM I IN JACK'S BED?_

He seemed to notice my panic and laughed, "Just budge, Yan."

A sigh of relief flew from my mouth- we couldn't have done anything. I sat smiling at this new information for a while until Jack finished his toast and spoke again.

"Seriously, shift it, I need to dress." He dusted his hands on his bare chest before realising he wasn't wearing a shirt which lead me to realise he was only wearing boxers.

It wasn't that I'd never seen him change or wear shorts- Christ I'd seen naked- but we'd slept in the same bed. I'd spent the night in _his _bed which for me was…Intimate. Making it weird to see him in boxers; I awkwardly looked away.

"You threw up then?" Jack called rhetorically having moved to the bathroom.

"Did I? Bugger, what were we drinking?"

His head appeared in the door way, eyes sparkling, grinning cheekily and waggling his eyebrows he replied, "Lots!" before he was gone, "Ianto, where's the soap, no, not soap, um, you know… Cleaning stuff?"

"Didn't your Mam teach you anything?"

"She was the cleaner- not me!"

I huffed getting fully out of bed and stretching slightly, "Jack?" there was a grunt of 'yes', "What_ was_ I doing in your bed?"

He appeared in the doorway again, "Can you honestly not remember? Ah, well, I came home, you we're pissed and I guess it just happened… Felt like the right thing to do at the time. I came back from… I think her name was Iris or Eileen or something, maybe it was a he- could've been an Iain? Not sure, anyway came home real early and you didn't wanna go out? You were knackered? Ringing any bells? Nope? When I gave up you we're half passed out so I took you to bed, I was going to put you in your room but it was kind of, oh what's the word? Pukey.."

"Shit," I cursed, "is it on the carpet?"

"Yep. You need to learn to handle more drink, here, I'll teach you tonight!"

"Just because you could drink the world and not have even the slightest of headaches." I muttered darkly, "What day is it?"

"Sunday, 'round 2 o'clock." He answered.

"Ahh fudge, we have that essay on modern day media adaptions compared to whatever else he was on about due tomorrow."

"Meh," Jack sighed, "only 25 pages, I'll do it tonight."

"Yeah, I'll panic later," I lied; I was already panicking.

Moments like these are perfect examples of why sometimes I bloody hate Jack Harkness - he won't start this till 2am and he will still pass, on the other hand I am working my arse off to scrape for a pass and panicking enough to bring on an early heart-attack.

I wandered to my small and simple, red and cream room from Jack's messy blue and instantly the smell hit me- vomit. I striped my clothes walking to the window for a peek outside- it was sunny so I decided to go for a long run and think about how in hell I was going to do this essay.

I grabbed my green top and black shorts pulling them on over clean underwear, shoving on socks and shoes, calling a goodbye to Jack who mumbled though _another _mouthful of _another _piece of toast.

As soon as I was out the flat I felt better, passing Saffron I smiled and tried to ignore her growingly unusual dress sense, I jumped the last few steps out on to the busy street and began a steady jog clearing my head before going into a full sprint as always.

**A/N Tell me what you think please? Should i continue? Do you think this could be interesting? Thank you all!**


	2. Chapter 2: Part Two

**A/N Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favourites! They mean so much and keep me writing!**

"Ianto this isn't good enough," Mr Wallace sighed flicking through the pages with a licked finger, "It's 3 days late and scrappy, I know that you can do better. I hate to be the one to say this to you, but you're work is getting sloppy and you're moving rapidly towards failing. What's happened?"

"Nothing," I lied smoothly, "Sorry, Mr Wallace, should I try again?"

He sighed and I tried not to wince at his disappointment, even if he was only a lecturer I cared what he thought, "Look, I think we both know that you have potential in this subject- you're good at it, you understand what works and what doesn't, what grasps someone's attention and why, how to interest your audience in something that's been done a thousand times before. However," he breathed, standing straight, "you're not concentrating and it's affecting your grades- I know that you're a student and out having fun but try keep the grades up too. Jack does it."

"Yeah well Jack's fucking _perfect, _isn't he?" I muttered hoping he wouldn't hear. He did.

Smiling knowingly he added, "So it's Jack that is bothering you?"

"No… He's not done anything, I'm just not having a good day and it's easy to blame him for things." I replied with a mask in place.

He chuckled before looking into my eyes, "Don't lie Ianto, I've taught enough students to know what to look for." I guiltily apologised with my eyes, he continued, "I know what Jack Harkness is like, he goes out and drinks, he 'enjoys' life, he passes all assignments by doing them in a hour, he gets a girl in every club he goes to yet he's still got a pretty girlfriend trailing on his arm who loves him and is ignoring all the signs. He can sing, dance, act, write, draw, do sports, whatever. The man of everyone's dreams, eh?"

I looked away awkwardly: he was spot on. "I..I just… I'm not jealous."

"I know you're not, you're just wrong. Jack isn't perfect." replied Mr Wallace surprising me I widened my eyes at him, "You don't understand. I knew a man like Jack once, we… Dated."

"Oh," there was a long silence, "what happened?"

"Everything," he said quietly lost in memories, "we used to… at night we used to go out a lot, we were young." I looked at the floor as soon as he tried to make eye contact, he continued regardless, "Then one day he just stopped, told _me _it was too much- that he was going to fail if _I _kept making him go out! He began studying. That was when it hit me I'd been so wrapped up in trying to please him and be like him that I had no future. Next think i knew he was leaving and-"

"Mr Wallace- why are you telling me this?" I interrupted, "Jack would never leave, and trust me he doesn't have a future planned out either. I've known him my whole life, I know _exactly _what he is like. Christ I know his Mum better than my own!" I paused, "I'll try and get the marks back up but it's not got anything to do with Jack. I look up to him but not so much that I'd ignore work." Mr Wallace cocked an eyebrow and pointed at the results I'd been getting, "Okay, I let myself fall off the track a tad but it's not Jack's fault."

"But you admit that something is going on?"

I frowned annoyed that he was taking such a personal interest, "What are you on about, Mr Wallace? All I said was that I didn't understand how Jack could still pass after doing such little work- in fact I never actually said that!"

"And all I'm trying to say is that you should understand that you are better at this subject than him! He's passing - often quite well- but he does everything by the book on the other hand _you_ have creativity and a passion that he will never understand! You could succeed but Jack will only ever get a few small jobs here and there! Please work hard? Don't bother about Jack."

I glared he was openly insulting my friend, "Why do you care so much?"

"Because you could go so far but he's holding you back, plus he is the definition of a bastard!"

"Piss off, Mr Wallace, you're talking about your ex not Jack," I said before grabbing my essay then making to leave. I stopped and turned back around, "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Mr Wallace laughed, "This is what I'm talking about, Ianto, Jack wouldn't have come back, he would never turn around to sort things out he just files off and has the luck of a deer."

"A deer, Mr Wallace?" I asked confused by the idea.

"Yes, in China they are seen as lucky, your friend is just like a deer, no, maybe a gazelle; an animal being chased by a tiger that escapes= Jack. He'll run away knowing the tiger will eat someone else."

I smiled unable to help agreeing; usually Jack manages to pass the blame to someone else, mostly me. I left quickly afterwards slightly uncomfortable staying any longer, was it weird for a teacher to take such an interest in me?

Walking back to the flat from the Uni grounds i thought about what Mr Wallace was trying to say. First he mentioned an ex-boyfriend, then talked about said ex leaving, next me being better than I thought – which I have to say I did not agree with- and then he referred to Jack as a gazelle. Drama teachers, they never make any sense.

Jack was with Gwen in the kitchen when I entered, "Oh hi, Ianto Jones!"

"It's just Ianto," I told her, "Jack can I have a word?"

He nodded and I led the way to my bedroom, "Does she know?"

"Know what?"

I sighed, "That you're cheating on her?"

"I am not!"

I raised my eyebrows, "So what was Iris or Eileen or Iain or whatever their name was about? Oh and the girl the night before, and before that and befo-"

He cut me off, "All right I get your point. That's not cheating they're just sex!"

I laughed bitterly, "And if she was doing the same?"

"She never would."

"But if she did?"

"She wouldn't. No one cheats on me," he grinned, "but I might break with her anyway, she's getting on my nerves."

My jaw dropped, "She loves you! You can't ditch her."

"Yes I can! Plus," he began to move away from me and winked as he said, "I've found someone else to share my bed."

I froze as he sauntered out the room, did he really just say that? Was he talking about me? What about Gwen? What did he mean?

"Jack! JACK!" I yelled hoping for him to come back but too scared to go out and face him.

The next thing I heard was Gwen giggling and The Captain's bedroom door being firmly shut.

**A/N Sorry this is a really weird chapter isn't it? I promise I'll get better for tomorrow but after that I don't think I'll have time to upload for a week or two because I have my exams :( Review please!**


	3. Chapter 3: Part Three

**A/N THANK YOU EVERYONE REVIEWING ALERTING ANYTHING! I may not update for a while because I have exams now :[**

Cup of tea in hand I produced my laptop turning it on. Blinking a few times I tried to wake up as the latest document opened, I scrolled through what I'd written chopping and changing making the script even more like a soap opera, then I highlighted the whole document and deleted it. Starting again I re-wrote the script.

_INT. IANTO AND JACK'S FLAT. DAY._

_GWEN sits alone at the table drawing circles. Nervous._

_GWEN_

_So, Ianto Jones, what's it been like since I left? What's _he _been like?_

_IANTO places a cup next to her, she smiles; he makes good coffee. They sit in silence._

_IANTO_

_He has been… OK… We go out a lot, just me and him, clubs and that._

_GWEN looks up, eyes suddenly wild._

_IANTO_

_My god, you really don't trust him._

_GWEN _

_Should I?_

_IANTO_

_He says he loves you._

_GWEN (hopeful)_

_Really?_

_IANTO smiles at her, the smile is gone the minute she looks away._

_GWEN (smirking)_

_How about you? How's the ravenous sex-life of Ianto Jones?_

_IANTO snorts, laughing at himself, going along with it to please her. Silence._

_GWEN_

_Ianto Jones has he-_

_IANTO_

_It's just Ianto._

_GWEN_

_Has he said anything about the dates?_

_IANTO_

_Dates for what?_

_GWEN_

_Our wedding you dumbo!_

_IANTO reacts to the statement, upset, confused, shocked._

_IANTO_

_Um.. Well, congratulations…_

_GWEN looks 'shocked' (faking it)_

_GWEN_

_Oh, I thought he'd tell you, I thought you were best friends, are you not?_

_IANTO (defensive)_

_Oh no, he tells me stuff._

_GWEN (pitying)_

_Course he does, pet, course he does._

I paused running my hand over may face wondering what the hell I was doing.

"Well, well, Ianto what do we have here?" Came The Captain's voice from behind me, he laughed when I slammed the screen shut, "What the heck are you writing about Gwen for?"

"I … She just came into my head... I wasn't meaning... I didn't even realise…" I spluttered face so red it showed up in the dull orange glimmer form the street lamps outside.

"Shit, Yan, don't tell me you fancy her?" Jack laughed.

"Uh.. I..NO!" I managed, "She's your girlfriend!"

Jack's smile was exchanged with a stony expression as he moved to the window, quietly he said, "Not anymore."

"What happened?" I asked, genuinely surprised, I'd hardly seen him those past 2 weeks because he spent so much time with her.

"She… She fucking dumped me, Ianto." He said resting his head on the window with a small thud.

"I thought you were bored with her anyway?"

"That's not the point, _she _dumped _me. _She was crying and apologising! It was a proper break-up. She was talking about having to 'work hard at college' and not having enough time for 'love'! She fucking called it _love!_" Jack yelled, "It was NOT love. The fact she thinks it was makes the fact she dumped me even worse!"

"Woah, woah. Calm down, Jack." I soothed moving over to him and giving him a hug, hating the fact I felt awkward, "You OK?"

"OK? I'm bloody fine! I just cannot believe she thought she had the right to dump me!"

I frowned before it hit me, you could almost hear the cogs in my brain turning, "You think that her breaking up with you means she had power over you."

He released his grip on me looking into my eyes, "She didn't, she just thought she did. She had no power over me but it's weird… I feel…Vulnerable."

I couldn't help myself and I laughed, "Are we having a little bit of an ego crisis?"

He thumped me, "Shut up Ianto!"

"Jack! She dumped you, big deal! Happens to the rest of us every night! You're just not used to it. You know what? You are feeling rejection."

He snorted, "Knowing what I'm feeling doesn't make me any happier."

"Oh come on, you can't honestly be telling me that The Captain's self-confidence has taken a knock- you are the cockiest guy I've ever met!"

"Shut up." He groaned suddenly looking very much like a stroppy kid in my arms; I let him go and lent on the wall next to the window, pouting he continued "I'm still not happy."

"If I told you, you never had to see her again would you feel better?"

"Yeah," he grinned, "I think so."

"In that case, you never have to see Gwen Cooper again. Better?"

"Much." He replied.

I turned back to the window knowing his eyes were still on me but trying to ignore it. It was a Tuesday night, or a Wednesday morning, whichever takes your fancy and I hadn't been out for about a week. I was with Owen a few times but without Jack it wasn't the same; I was quickly bored and there was no one nagging me to stay so I took my chance and caught up with work. I guess Gwen was useful for one thing then again the work wasn't worth how much I missed Jack. We all missed him but now she has no claim on him, he's ours.

Suddenly he swooped down and kissed my cheek, surprising and exciting me in a way I didn't expect. He hesitated by my ear for a moment whispering, "Thanks, Yan." Before he pulled away and quietly shut his bedroom door after him.

.

After turning back to the window and trying to think coherent thoughts I went back to the laptop and returned to the document. I growled at my now cold tea and read my script over once before continuing and getting great pleasure from writing:

_CAPTAIN JACK storms in from his bedroom; he's been eavesdropping._

_CAPTAIN JACK (furious)_

_We're NOT getting married! _

I continued writing for half an hour puzzling over the next lines and how I could get a story from this, more importantly a cheap, relatively bad soap opera. It was a ridiculous task, but I'd set myself it and was determined to complete it. Then suddenly the story came to me and I gasped typing furiously.

_GWEN_

_But you love me!_

_JACK_

_No, actually, I don't._

_GWEN_

_If you don't love me…Then who do you love?_

_ CUT TO:_

_PANNING along the room until it pauses on a photograph of a smiling TEENAGE JACK with his arms around a grinning TEENAGE IANTO_

I stopped to re-read it suddenly realising what I'd written. I felt my eyes widen and my jaw drop open: I wrote this. I _thought _this… I paired myself and Jack…

Quickly I pressed the red cross and the computer bleeped, _'Do you want to save the changes made to Document 3? Yes. No.' _

I stared at it for a while before hastily clicking 'yes' and jammed my finger onto the power button then ran to my room hiding under the covers, willing myself to forget.

**A/N Sorry, I felt like doing scripts :S And making an evil Gwen! -.-**

**Now I'm off to watch Exile and JOHN SIMM and JIM BROADBENT! **


	4. Chapter 4: Part Four

**A/N This chapter has been re-written :)**

**Thank you so much to my first ever Beta: xtiansugar! This chapter (and to be honest story) has improved so much and been easier with your help! THANK YOU!**

"Why, Ianto, have you been fucking ignoring me all week?" Jack shouted randomly as we walked towards the club, "I've tried to think of what the heck I've done but I really, really can't."

My feet were planted firmly on the ground and I stood in shock. Jack's angry outburst in the middle of the street caused me, in a slightly hormonal state, to snap back. "I don't know, Jack, why don't you tell me how I've been 'fucking ignoring' you? Cause quite frankly I can't think of when I've ignored you once!" I was lying, and lying in an argument never worked, _bugger._

"Okay," Jack stormed, "but I warn you, I could go on forever. Number 1 when you refused to go to class with me, number 2 how you make an excuse to be out the flat every time I'm in it, number 3 this is the only night you've been out with me since the Gwen thing- in fact is that what this is bloody about? You're pissed off at me, for getting angry about Gwen aren't you?"

"What the HELL? Jack if I'd had a problem with Gwen you know I would have bloody told you! I tell you everything you- ugghh!" _still lying Ianto…_

"You've not been around to talk to me about anything. You've avoided talking to me! Exactly when I ruddy needed to talk to you!"

"Oh shut the hell up Jack!" I said, ignoring his statement and pushing away from him, storming to anywhere without Jack. I simply didn't care. I was so angry, I really didn't understand why…

I pounded my fist angrily against a brick wall once before snapping it back and clutching it to my chest, "Ah…" I gasped, "Ow, Dammit."

I was still clutching my wrist 5 minutes later, only now I was sitting on the ground with my back pressed to the wall. I looked around at the people surrounding me: girls squealing as boys flirtatiously chased them, police officers bored as they waited for the next fight to erupt, grumpy men in cars shouting at the drunks who stumbled from the club onto the road, rare workaholics looking haggard as they emerged from tall buildings carrying briefcases and cycling away on their fancy bikes with reflective strips round their ankles, tourists posing for a happy snap (at 3 am?) then my eyes moved to a group of relatively sober girls and a few boys and… _Her…Lisa…_

I stood up and moved towards them, shock motivating me and making my actions downright stupid. I stared at her until her friend saw me and nudged Lisa who looked up and blushed, turning her head away before smiling to excuse herself.

She wore a short purple dress and high heels with a long necklace, her hair was short, as always, and I wished she'd grow it; still she was beautiful as ever, "Hello… Ianto.."

I gulped, "Uh, hi…Lisa… What are you… Why are you here?"

"Visiting," she smiled.

'_God, you're gorgeous,' _I wanted to say, instead the best I could come up with was: "I live here."

"I know," she reminded me, "are you still with Jack?"

"With him? I was never _with _him. I still live with him, but I've never been _with _him, nor will I ever be." I blurted feeling like an idiot even as I said it- she'd asked a totally innocent question. I could curse that bloody script to hell and back.

Her eyes widened as she realised what I had thought she meant, "Are you… You gay?"

I tried to laugh awkwardly but it sounded more like an ugly splutter, "Nooooo! Just… Jack has been acting odd; he's a bit of a touchy subject at the moment,"

She muttered, "Isn't he always?"

"Sorry?"

"Nothing…Did you have a fight or something?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"It's a long story."

There was a lengthy silence.

It was broken by a squeal from behind her shoulder, "AWKWARD TURTLE!"

I groaned and turned away: if Lisa's new friend was stupid enough to say things like 'awkward turtle'- hand movements and all- then I knew I would immediately dislike her. In fact, I already did.

"Sorry, this is Carys."

"Hello! Are you Yhan-Taeh?"

"No, I'm Ianto." I answered curtly.

"Oh," she stage whispered, "Lisaaaa, I don't like your boyfriend!"

"He's not my boy-"

"But you said-"

"Shut up Carys," Lisa blushed.

_Oh God, _I thought, _this is a disaster waiting to happen. Thank God Jack isn't here… thank god she still loves me… No! Can't think like that! It's over, and you've hated her for so long!_

I watched as Lisa's eyes searched my face for a reaction: I gave nothing away. Her eyes travelled to my arm, which I suddenly realised was still clasped to my chest, "What happened?" she asked.

"I, erm, punched a wall." It was my turn to blush.

"You what! Why!"

"The Captain." I shrugged.

She smirked, "What has he done now? Or is that still a 'touchy subject'?" she let slip bitterly.

"We fought, that's all, it was my fault, I was being a dick, worrying over a lot of personal stuff."

"Aww, baby, come and talk about it."

I winced at the nickname 'baby'- it was bloody awful and I was certainly not her 'baby' anymore. I'd forgotten how persistently annoying she could be.

"As I said, it was nothing; it's between Jack and me." I settled.

She glowered at me and changed tactic, "So how are you?"

"I'm great, you?"

"Amazing. Jack? How is he?"

I ignored the not so subtle hint, "He's fine. In fact I should probably go find him. I need to apologise."

I tried to move away but she grasped my hand, "Don't leave me again!"

I frowned, "If I remember rightly _you _left _me_!"

"Let's talk about it."

I snorted, "It's 3am; there too much to say and it is too late. In both ways… Look, I'm tired, I wanna go see Jack."

"You always did." She whispered her hand moving from my arm as she looked down.

I saw red, "What is that supposed to mean?"

She jumped a little at my volume, "Jesus. I was only saying."

"Saying what, exactly?"

"Nothing, Ianto, go inside; find your Captain Jack." She calmly told me.

I blinked, taken aback, "since when did he become _my _Jack."

She laughed, raising her eyebrows, "Don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you. And you missed out the Capitan." When I said nothing she continued. "Oh my God. You _actually _don't know! You fucking ADORE him, Ianto! That is why you are never in any bloody relationships and you're never getting laid- because I know you aren't- because you bloody love _him_! You'd choose him over anyone any day."

There was quiet as we both processed what she'd said, "Is this why you dumped me?"

"Forget it, we're the past. _It _is the past." She groaned, perfectly manicured nails massaging her forehead.

This time I grabbed her, "Tell me for crying out loud!"

Her eyes shot daggers, "Yes, I dumped you because of your boyfriend! Your bloody Jack was practically in the bed with us!"

I had no reply, "I… I am… Sorry."

"Go find him, Ianto, but bear in mind he doesn't deserve you one bit because he is an absolute prick."

She shrugged away from me back to her friends, a boy slung his arm over her shoulder and Carys began to rant. Spinning on my heel I entered the club.

I had no idea how I was going to go about this- what should I say and do? How could I tell Jack that I was _not_ angry at him? That I was just confused and… How could I tell him anything if I didn't know what was going on myself? I didn't even fully understand what we had fought about earlier…

I searched for a while and was about to give up when I saw a raised platform with the American sitting atop it looking sorry for himself. Through the booming music and sweaty bodies I shouted to him. When he finally heard he looked up and smiled before remembering he was meant to be angry at me and hopping off the box and heading to the exit.

But running away in a club full of people blocking your every move was not easy and I quickly caught him up at the exit. He glared until he could no more and smiled, I grinned back. Neither one of us was truly angry.

"Can we go outside, it's really loud."

"Sorry, WHAT?"

"I SAID IT'S TOO LOUD!" I yelled.

"WHAT?"

"FOR FU-" I paused and grabbed him, "COME WITH ME!"

"WHAT?"

He began to stomp like a child, "DON'T WANNA GO."

"WE CAN… I only want to talk."

He thought about it then nodded and followed me outside, "Flamin' hell it is cold."

I scanned for Lisa and only found Carys who I hid from behind Jack, "Whatcha doin'? Oi, get off!"

"Shurrup!" I whispered, "I'm hiding!"

He gave me a look but let it pass, we moved to stand in a doorway, away from Carys's eye line and the bitter wind.

"You wanted to talk." He stated.

"I wanted to apologise. I've been really crap recently, and then we argued over nothing. I don't really understand why I'm so fucked up but you think I'm annoyed at you, and I am not. This is all going to sound really stupid but I've been really… Stupid."

"Oh," he smirked, unimpressed, and folded his arms, "Continue."

"I was writing a script, you see, and erm… It had me and you.. And Gwen in it and..um.. That's it."

"Yan?" Jack raised his eyebrows.

I winced, "I just found it weird! I wrote about you and Gwen and I was just doing what came into my mind and when I read it, it was all so confusing cause I'd written all this stuff about us and I know you are open minded but what if you hate me for writing it! I mean, I know I hate myself but that is different cause I don't even understand what I've done –I was just writing and then suddenly it was all there and it was real and there was no denying it came from my head! It was pure me! No inspiration apart from what I felt but I hadn't even realised I felt that until I wrote it! I am still not sure I feel that." I blabbed, "I was going to just ignore it but for me it was getting more awkward as the days went by and then we had that fight cause you thought I was angry at you and then I bumped into Lisa and she said all this-"

"Ianto, what the hell are you on about? And when did you see Lisa?"

I looked up at him and blushed. He took pity on me and smiled invitingly. "Yan, you're not alone, we've all got problems. Even me." There was a pause and then I flung myself at him, holding onto him for dear life. That was, remarkably, not the most surprising thing about the situation: The most amazing thing was that Jack hugged me back, just as fiercely and I quickly felt a few tears fall onto my shirt. Something was seriously wrong. I didn't know what to do so we stood for a long time locked in an embrace so tight I could feel his heart beating beneath his shirt.

I broke away, "I am sorry.." I didn't meet his eyes, "I haven't thought about you at all during this."

"It's OK. Just remember ... There's something goin' on for me too. I shoulda told you, but it upset me…" I could see him biting hard on his lip as he tried to stop his tears, "I don't want her to die."

I froze. "Jack, _what? _ Who's dying? What the.. Jack look at me!" I commanded easing his head from my chest and looking into his watery blue eyes. "What are you talking about? Who is dying Jack?"

I watched as his lip quivered before he slammed back into my arms whimpering and so consumed with emotion he could barely speak. Guilt filled me in a cold rush; he clearly wasn't talking about something as small and insignificant as a relationship. How could I have been so selfish to ignore him? Exactly when he needed me? "I don't know… What do I do..?" I asked myself quietly, then it struck me- right now my Captain needed to feel safe and comfortable, so where better than home? We would be in privacy and I could look after him there; make up for what I'd not been doing. "C'mon Jack. Let's go home."

He was silent as he nodded his agreement and stepped a fraction further away from me. He squeezed my hand. Our eyes locked and we both acknowledged the truth that right now we both needed each other.

Then Jack was gone, striding away into the night, wiping quickly at his eyes with a quick sniffle. I paused for a moment and then followed, letting him lead the way, I could tell it was what he needed to do.

For the journey home we did not speak, but the silent glances and timid smiles were enough to reassure us of the new solid promise. A benefit of being this close to Jack was knowing that his huge ego was a front, a whopping great defence mechanism and it worked a treat, but if you knew Jack like I did, then you got to see the brilliance of his true self. Jack was one of the most trustworthy, honest, I'd-lay-down-my-life-for-you men. If you were his friend you stuck that way. I had his trust. He had mine.

And I was one of the only people in the world with that honour.

So the shy glances and curved yet wobbling lips that contrasted with the shockingly furious and desperate grips made sense to us as we understood each other in ways we were only beginning to comprehend. In our own strange way we were admitting how much we cared. Except there was a difference: Jack cared for me as a friend. I was beyond that. I was too far gone. I was in love. And it hurt so much.

I had realised a lot of things during that night, the most important was that I needed to know exactly where I stood with Jack but that night wasn't about me. I needed to support Jack, and I would bloody well do just that.

**A/N Good? Bad? Thoughts? x**


	5. Chapter 5: Part Five

**A/N Sorry! I'm rubbish! I know! You have the right to hate me and stop reading but if you do you'll never know what happens...**

**If anyone hasn't read the re-writes please re-read chapter 4 :) Thank you all!**

We were at the top of our street when Jack turned to me and took my hand. "Ianto, I know that we have to talk about what I said earlier… And I'm not going to hide from you anymore, but… There is something you don't know about my mother."

Elspeth Harkness. Jack's mother. My 'Nanny'.

"Jack, what's happened?"

"Do you remember when we were , what, 14 years old? And Mom stopped working for you for a few months? I stopped going to your house after school?" I nodded, after all, how could I forget? Jack was my only friend at that age.

"I thought about running away and trying to find you two. I missed you like hell Jack, and Elspeth, well; you know that I see her as my Mum. I couldn't believe my parents when they fired her, I was so glad she got the job back but I would have found you even if she hadn't."

"She wasn't fired, Ianto. My Mom took sick leave." Jack said quietly.

"What?" I asked gobsmacked, I never remembered Elspeth being ill. "Jack why didn't you tell me! Was she okay?" A small amount of anger fizzled inside me at the thought my parents had lied _again_. But then I saw Jack's eyes and the pain that was shown only there- a mask made his face unreadable but his eyes gave it all away.

He began to speak, his voice surprisingly steady. "I only found out a week ago, she told me that she had been fired and until now I had no reason not to believe her plus she got the job back in the end- which was all I cared about. I'd forgotten all about it until Mom called last week, telling me that she was trying to explain something and that I needed to know the truth about why she was really away from work… The truth is, Ianto, she had breast cancer." I felt the blood drain from my face and I could scarcely comprehend what Jack was telling me. "She took the time off for treatment. It went away but now.. Now it's come back," he croaked, "and she's older and weaker and I'm so –so scared that she's just..j-ust gonna leave u-us." he stumbled forward to try and hug me but I was in such a shock I could do nothing.

I wanted to collapse, wanted to make myself as small as imaginable and disappear... She'd always seemed so well, so strong. She was always happy and put up with the shit I knew my parents gave her. The thought of her living with cancer at the same time was horrible… And she'd told no one, Jack and I were her only family and she had no friends to tell… How could she survive with the weight of that knowledge? How did we not see?

I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. But something in me clicked and the next thing I knew I had comforted Jack down the street, up the stairwell, into the flat and onto my bed. I sat next to him, angling my head forward so I could see his face. He wasn't crying anymore, but his eyes were glazed and he blinked a few times before registering where we were. I was still in shock. There was a silence that lasted for a very long time, possibly just more than an hour. Words failed us as I took it in. Jack slowly composed himself.

He rubbed his face lightly and spoke as if he was trying to remember what had happened. "Did you… Did you want to tell me something?"

I smiled weakly; my 'problem' seemed so outrageously small in that moment. "Nothing that can't wait." We shared a glace and he nodded his head.

I turned to move the bed covers so we could get in, it seemed natural to share a bed, especially tonight. Once we were settled facing each other I closed my eyes and tried not to cry; the shock that had stimulated me minutes ago had faded. My pain must have showed on my face because I felt Jack shuffle closer and murmur: "Don't hold it in."

So I didn't, I felt the droplets run down my cheek, over my nose, onto the pillow. I didn't cry for long and it wasn't a fit off tears. It took too much energy to cry properly, and in that moment I had nothing left.

Jack slowly rose from the kitchen table and walked to the kettle, he took it to the sink where the tap was turned on, the kettle placed neatly underneath it. He stared out the window as it filled then turned his attention back to the kettle. As it boiled Jack placed to cups on the counter and quickly dumped two teabags in them. He turned and recognised my presence in the room for the first time.

"I'm making tea." He stated, not meeting my eyes.

"So I see." I paused. "Not up for a coffee then?"

He shook his head. I didn't know what else to say.

A week had passed since I found out Elspeth had cancer and Jack and I had both taken time out of university so that, today, we could visit her in Wales. It would be the first time either of us had returned home since moving to Scotland. I could only hope Elspeth had moved far away from my parents' home; let's just say my father and I didn't part on the best footing.

"Have you packed?" Jack's voice wavered as he poured the milk into the tea having not taken out the tea bags. I could see his hand shaking from my spot in the doorway, god, he was more nervous than I realised.

"Jack…" I walked over taking the milk from him and setting it down on the counter next to the steaming tea. I cocooned his hands in mine and looked directly at him. "It's going to be okay."

His loud breath filled the silent room and he closed his eyes to regain his composure. "I… It's hard."

"I know," I drew him into a hug, and felt his head settle on my shoulder, "I know."

My hand drifted over his back comfortingly and it didn't take me long to realise I was enjoying having Jack in my arms more than a friend offering comfort should. I felt awful for feeling that way given the circumstances.

"Ianto…" Jack drew back slightly, his eyes scanning my face. "Ianto I know what you're thinking." I tensed immediately and he drew further back letting his hands fall to my waist. The change in atmosphere was so sudden there was no way I could back out. I was frozen to the spot. "It's not bad. I don't mind."

"I.. I, uh, I.. Well… I don't know what you're talking about." I spluttered feeling heat rise to my cheeks.

Jack's lips curved slightly and he made a small, "pmf!" noise before dipping down into my embrace again. There was a silence where I tried to, and failed to, control my breathing.

Then, once I thought it was over:

"I know that you fancy me."

I jerked away from Jack speeding backwards across the room as fast as I could until I hit the fridge. Jack hung his head slightly pinching the bridge of his nose and then he laughed. "I told you, Yan, I don't mind!"

I blushed furiously and angrily stared at my feet. Had I been _that _obvious?

"Ianto?" Jack was barely half a meter away. He stepped closer. "I really don't mind… In fact… It's kinda cute."

My head snapped up and I, unwillingly yet necessarily, met Jack's eyes. My head shook slightly as I said: "Wh..What," I waved my arm, the other settled on my hip, "do you mean?"

"I mean," he stepped closer. "That i think it's cute that you like me."

"I never said I liked you."

Jack leered. "No one doesn't like me." Then he turned serious. "But really, I don't mind. So don't… Whatever. Just don't be… Weird around me… Don't…Blame me or… Staying away won't help the fact your gay."

"I'm not. Gay that is. I don't like men."

Jack took my hand as he spoke. "I think we both know that's not true."

I avoided answering, barely controlling my irritated hiss at Jack's accidental but patronising tone, and instead I chose to move on and accept that Jack knew and there was no way out. "What do you mean 'cute'?"

He smiled a little. "Let's just say… I'm single, and bi…And…" his voice dropped to a whisper as he came nearer, "…I'm not exactly rejecting the fact you like me…"

He was so close to me now, I could feel him pressing up next to me and I was trying to understand what he was saying but he smelt so _good _and I was finding it hard to concentrate on anything then next thing I knew he was leaning down and I realised this wasn't what I wanted. I darted under his arms and away.

I watched him steady himself in silence. He stayed still, hunched from holding me, before he straightened facing the fridge then, without turning to me, left the room.

I had no idea what it meant.

A minute later he was charging back.

"Ianto…" he struggled, anger and confusion in his attitude, as he tried to form his question. "Ianto I don't understand.. What do you.. I mean… What just happened?"

I could not reply; I had no answer for him.

"Why didn't you let me kiss you?" he demanded.

"Because you don't want it for the same reasons I do!"

He advanced closer failing to control his frustration. "What does that mean! What reasons _do _you want it for? What reasons do you think that _I _want it for?"

"You want a shag. Nothing more, nothing less." I refused to say anymore- no way was I admitting how much I wanted from Jack.

"Who says I only ever want a fuck-buddy?"

I fought against raised my eyebrow and taking away the importance of this conversation. It would be so easy just to lapse into sarcastic remarks. "_You_ do. Come on Jack! When was the last time you were committed to someone?"

"So you want a commitment? A relationship?"

Again I said nothing. I was getting good at that.

Then he said the shocking thing, in fact, it was so untrue it was almost a joke. "I can do that. I can commit." only The Captain was serious.

If it's possible to choke on air I did. "WHAT?"

"Hey! I can be in a relationship!" He said affronted. "Ianto I've wanted you for years. In fact I reckon…" His voice began to lose it volume then he coughed and continued. "But yeah! So.. I'd give it a bash." he laughed awkwardly. I didn't.

"I don't want that Jack. I'm only going to be in a relationship if I can trust you not to hurt me. I had enough of that with Lisa. You need to show me you'd give it more than 'a bash'. Also now really isn't the time for us to be getting together. I'm confused enough as it is and we need to be strong for Elspeth- not worrying about ourselves."

Jack swallowed at my reminder of Elspeth's unfair illness. Not that he'd forgotten: neither of us had. "So you're rejecting me?"

_Shame on you, Jones. _I thought. _You've battered Jack Harkness's huge ego! _

"No… Look at it as postponing. I need to get my head around all of this and you rushing me will only make it take longer."

He was quiet for a moment as he gazed over my shoulder and out the window. When he spoke I could tell he was preparing to end the conversation for now because he was trying to hide his insecurity. "But… You do like me, yeah?"

_You really have given him a confidence knock! _

"Yes, Jack I do." I replied remarkably not blushing. Then a I realised I had no ide where Jack stood. "D-Do you like me then, Jack?"

"Ohhh yeaahh!" He winked suggestively.

_That _I blushed furiouslyat. Jack laughed and enveloped me in a great big bear-hug_. _I smiled relishing the warmth of his arms.

**A/N Nawwww xx**


	6. Chapter 6: Part Six

**A/N Hey, thanks to all reviewers, readers, alerters, etc..**

**PS- Didn't you all HATE Angelo? Any Miracle Day-ers?**

The journey to Cardiff was long and mostly silent- but it wasn't awkward which came to me as a shock. I'd been working myself up since the 'moment' with Jack a few hours ago and had been prepared for the train journeys to be horrific, to tell the truth, but they were far from it. We sat in a companionable silence with Jack staring out the window at the fields passing by and me daydreaming whilst eavesdropping.

I smiled when 4 teenage girls boarded the train and coupled off to their respective seats groaning that all the four-seaters had been taken by only one or two people. One pair nattered excitedly about the 'fit Spanish guy' sitting a few seats away, the other pair rolled their eyes- fed up with gazing at men all day and proceeded to gossip, with humour, about a girl they knew being 'good for nothing and stuck up her own arse'.

I noticed Jack seemed to be in a whole other world and seemed completely content. It was odd, while I shut things into their little boxes in my head; Jack seemed to just… forget about it all. He was completely at peace, the disappointment in his face when they train drew into the station and he realised we had to face reality again was heart breaking. He covered it quickly and grabbed his bag. I had an urge to touch him, as I did a lot currently, but stopped myself- we were in a public place and I could tell Jack didn't want me outing him to everyone as weak. Jack didn't want me comforting him because if I did he knew there was a high chance he would break down again.

The thought of losing your mother hits you harder than you could ever have thought: it's unbelievable. Jack is the strongest man I know, and I've been through some tough times, but still we could not come to terms with even the thought of what was happening- let alone what _could _happen. I had known for a week, Jack had known for a little longer, the fright, shock and pain was still as fresh as it had been for both of us.

I'm not saying I expected that I would be bouncing off the walls; I just hadn't expected to feel like this. Every moment I breathed I felt guilty- like I was boasting that I was healthy.

So many people's lives have been viciously taken and that thought doesn't sink in until the possibility that someone you love's, or your own, life might be in danger. I knew Elspeth still had a chance but I could tell from Jack that it wasn't looking good- it never does. It is excruciatingly hard to have hope in these situations, yet we both pretended to be seeing the bright side.

Outside the station it was fairly warm. Softly, I smiled to myself as I remembered previously having complaints about the Welsh weather, living in Scotland means I never will again. A taxi took us from the station to Elspeth's, thankfully new, home. The nerves at the prospect of seeing my father died as soon as Jack mumbled an unfamiliar address to the driver who asked which route to take. Jack said a quick: "whichever is faster" before slumping into the seat and returning to staring out the window.

About 5 minutes into the drive Jack was getting restless as he was no longer able to loose himself in wild fields and countryside. I too felt an odd fear of returning home; every lamppost, parking machine, bus shelter, shop, railing and pizza delivery brought back memories some of which were a lot less welcome than others.

I almost jerked away from Jack's hand as it slipped into mine. Almost. He gave a small squeeze and I realised he was in need of the touch as much as I suddenly was, so a clasped his hand tighter and didn't let go. Not until we were faced with Elspeth's sea blue door.

It was opened in what felt like slow motion and my friend tensed beside me in dread. As I saw Elspeth's face peek around the door I broke into a smile almost as dazzling as Jack's. She was OK- or at least she looked it. I guess I'd been expecting medication, wheelchairs and remote control beds, dressing gowns and a nurse for help; then I remembered that this was Elspeth; the strongest woman I know.

A warmth of relief flushed over me like a blanket and I felt like a child again- Elspeth ushered us in hugging myself and Jack tightly in the process. It felt so natural and suddenly I hadn't a care in the world. It was like we'd never left, my parents had never done the things they did and Elspeth had never fallen ill.

"Now, now, Ianto you've not been eating again!" she scolded. "Just you wait! By the time you're out of my house I'll make sure your shirts don't fit!"

I groaned a little and Jack laughed. "Leave Yan alone, he's fine!"

"Leave him alone? You are the one calling him 'Yan'! You know he hates it!"

Jack frowned facing me looking lightly hurt. "Do you really hate it?"

I softly brushed my hand of his arm, gazing into his eyes with comfort. "No, Jack, I don't." It wasn't quite the truth, but I'd got used to the nickname, and despite the way it mangled my name I'd grown a fondness for it.

He grinned before bounding to the kitchen, I followed respectfully linking my arm with Elspeth who smiled up at me announcing; "I always knew you'd be quite the gentleman, Ianto, that Lisa doesn't know what she's given up."

My smile was slightly strained due to the reminder of Lisa and the fact that I could feel Elspeth was weaker even though at first she had not appeared so. I chose to say nothing watching Jack parade around the room. "Where is the coffee machine!" he almost growled.

Elspeth detached herself from my grasp making her way over to Jack a little slower than usual I noticed sadly- even if it wasn't the cancer she was getting old.

Jack appeared not to notice, too involved in the machine now in his hands. He beamed at me over the top of it then thrust it onto the counter, plugged it in and grabbed some coffee beans. "Ianto, would you care to do the honours?"

I nodded. "Elspeth, Jack has become addicted to my coffee." I explained.

Her greying brows furrowed. "I don't see you for just over a year and you drinking coffee Jack? You hated the drink."

Jack and I shared a quick look before deciding to ignore that it was most defiantly loner than 'just over a year' since we'd seen Elspeth. "That was until I tried Ianto's coffee, God, Mom it's _amazing!_"

5 minutes later I had worked the machine and was placing 3 cups on the table. "Watch out; It's very hot!" Jack snatched his slurping loudly before yelping and glaring at me. "What? I did warn you!"

Elspeth laughed, I could tell she was pleased to have us back. After all, we were her boys.

"Jack?" I whispered. "You awake?"

"'Am now." He grumbled sleepily.

I chuckled, "Sorry. But… What.. Was she different to how you expected?"

"Huh?"

"Elspeth. Didn't you think she'd look worse?"

He grunted. "Ianto, I was prepared for anything. No, let me rephrase that. I _had _to be prepared for anything."

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" His sleeping bag rustled loudly as he shifted to look at me. "Hey. Hey, don't cry, you haven't done anything wrong. This isn't your fault; cancer just…Happens."

"That is," I sniffled, blinking back the tears burning in my eyes, "not what I'm talking about. Not that I don't feel awful about that. But I'm talking to you alone, Jack, when I say I'm sorry. I left you and was too bloody focused on myself to see you needed me."

There was a moment's silence which I was grateful for; Jack wasn't lying to me and saying he didn't blame me at all for his extra suffering. "I have to admit I hated you then, Yan, I thought you were deliberately ignoring me because you wanted me to hurt. I didn't know why but I really thought that. That's why I was so angry with you at the club- I just wanted you to…Anyway. I think I understand you a bit more now, or at least I know what was bugging you."

I broke our eye contact. The room was dark as we were supposed to be sleeping so Jack, thankfully, couldn't see my blush. "How did you know? How long have you known?"

"How long have _you _know?"

"I… It was just after Gwen broke up with you, I started writing a script. I was writing whatever came to me- trying to do something like a soap opera." Jack raised his eyebrow; it's not my usual genre. "I know, but I was bored. Anyway, I was writing and the scene included me and Gwen." I snorted a little at myself. "Don't know why I did it but I did. Basically the plot was Gwen announces you and she are getting married and I act all hurt and confused 'cause you never told me but then you bound in yelling that the pair of you are not getting married. Gwen, being muddled and slightly stupid, asks you who you really love if it isn't her. And the scene changes to a picture of you and me as teenagers hugging. I really don't know why I did it; I guess I was just in the zone. Spur of the moment." I chuckled, refusing to look at Jack. "That was when I realised how much we flirted and that maybe you _were_ more than a friend to me, but I was scared so I shoved it to the back of my mind and decided ignoring you and any reminders that I might not be straight was a good idea. I was being stupid. You have every right to be angry."

"That's how long you've known?"

"Oh, not exactly. That night I saw Lisa. She made the comment that I'd always loved you and that was when I really realised it was true, technically I've only _known_ since then."

Jack was quiet. "So… _Technically _you have only fancied me for just more than I week?"

I said nothing which of course meant yes; I was simply too embarrassed to speak.

"Ianto… Do you not want to know how long I have…" he paused, "_fancied_ you for?"

Finally returning his eye contact I searched his face; again my silence meant yes.

"I have fancied you since…" he looked in thought, as though straining to remember. "We were 15, well I turned 15 that night, and you promised to sneak out of your house to come and see me when my birthday sleepover was banned by your father."

I was touched by both the clear truth to Jack's words and the memory of that night. Dad had… 'Punished' me severely the next day and I'd hid from Jack so he wouldn't see the state of me until my wounds healed but I would have taken the beating a hundred times over if it meant being with Jack on his birthday.

All we had done was talked and watched films but I could tell how much it meant to Jack that I was there: he knew the full extent of my father's anger having been on the receiving end of it more than once, so he knew the risk I was taking being there. I could understand his utter happiness that I was there because I felt it too; Jack had no lack of friends at school yet he'd chosen to wait up for me to join him in secret. I only now realised exactly why that was one of the best nights of my life.

"You have liked me for quite a while." Was all I managed.

"Why did you think I was never in a real relationship?" He murmured and the certainty his eyes held was so pure I could do nothing but let him shuffle closer when, _once more_, I said nothing. "I know you don't want to be with me just yet but could you… I dunno… H-hold me?"

His embarrassed smile was adorable. "Yes Jack, I can do that. God knows I need, and want, it as much as you."

I felt content to watch as Jack rolled awkwardly away from me -still in his sleeping bag- and off his mattress so he could push it closer to mine then rolled back and bumped into me. We laughed as we found ourselves face to face and despite our previous comments Jack lent forward. However he only brushed out noses together in a sweet little eskimo kiss. His smile was soft as he pulled away and opened his eyes, he shifted again and then his back was pressed to mine through our sleeping bags and my arms were winding around him in a protective embrace of their own accord. I felt Jack nuzzle softly at my bicep and press a kiss to the bare skin before resting his head against it and sighing softly. Soon we were both asleep.

**A/N The next chapter is part written you'll be glad to know!**


	7. Chapter 7: Part Seven

**A/N Hope this is OK as I'm not that sure of it. Enjoy.**

I was woken by bright sunlight streaming through the windows and an odd, numb sensation in my left arm. Jack still occupied the space next to me but somehow his whole upper body had fallen onto my arm in the night which explained the lack of feeling it now possessed. I tried to ease slowly away but flinched with fright every time I so much as made Jack grunt. It took a ridiculously long time as I was so fearful of waking Jack and being enveloped in a sleeping bag made the job no easier.

Once I was free I padded in my pyjama bottoms to the kitchen where I found Elspeth mumming to herself while tiding an already spotless kitchen. I marvelled solely at watching her.

"Oh! Hello, Ianto." She smiled. "Do you pair want pancakes?"

"It's OK, Jack's not up yet so I'll eat alone. He could be in bed for a while; he's not slept well for a week or so."

Her face saddened before she grinned just like Jack does. "I'm sure he slept very well last night, I'm sure he was very peaceful in his _friends _arms."

"Don't you smirk at me, Elspeth! I don't even know what Jack and I are- it's … confusing." I grimaced.

"Why, Ianto? What is confusing?" she said while she pushed me into a chair and throwing her dish towel over her shoulder in a strictly waitress fashion.

"Well… It's just Jack, I don't like _men_, only Jack. And the thing is I think I've liked him for a ridiculously long time only I hadn't realised it. I have been really idiotic, and Jack's suffered because of it. I just can't forget that like he can."

"Ianto, love, what's happened? When has Jack suffered? Every time I called him he was clearly beaming at the thought of you alone: when he spoke about you it was hard to get him to stop."

"Jack is so smart. He's brave and confident and he'll stick up for me. He honestly is my Captain- I don't have a clue where I would be without him, because of this, I keep thinking Jack is invincible- untouchable. He looks after me and he was there when I realised I loved Lisa- although now I'm not sure I did- he's been there every time I need to talk about something. So when I needed to talk to someone about _him._ I didn't know where to go. So, I ignored Jack, thinking if I didn't speak to him all this emotion building up inside me would go away, but of course I didn't. Tensions were running high because I was … coming out? To myself, and Jack was trying to talk to me about you but not wanting to admit it was true. Jack was hurting and I wasn't there for him. He thought he'd lost us both."

"Ianto… I'm sorry. Jack came out to me as soon as he even had a feeling towards you; he was barely 4 years old. All he said was: 'I think I like boys Mom!'" she chuckled. "I knew it was true, even with his age. Something made me click and I knew my son was gay: I didn't care…Your father was there."

I gasped, and she smiled so sadly, it was truly devastating the things my father put people through: abuse of staff was part of a long list of heartless things he done. "Did you never ask Jack how he got that wrist strap?"

"I, uh, no. I always thought it was a sentiment." I answered weakly.

"It was your mother's way of apologising for doing nothing and she knew Jack loved his si-fi. It was her way of saying it was out of her control."

"That's no excuse. My mum was a bitch and you know it!"

"Ianto," Elspeth frowned, "language."

I smirked a little, relishing the disapproval because it meant she cared. "Sorry, Elspeth."

"It's funny that. You never did call me Miss Harkness."

"You were too much of a mother to me. Christ, I don't even call you 'Jack's mum'- always Elspeth, to whomever. Half the time they ask who you are," I laughed, "I often forget that Jack and I don't know these people and they don't know us. I'm so used to just being with Jack."

A small pause passed then she touched my hand over the table. "Ianto it's ok. Jack will be patient. He loves you too much to rush you and he would never force you to do anything."

"How did you know I was thinking that?" I asked, pleased she knew me so well and pleased I managed not to flinch and the L-word.

"I believe the phrase was: 'too much of a mother' to you. I know you and treat you like my son Ianto, never forget that, never think I don't love you as I love Jack. You're my boys. I'd be happy for you to get together."

"So is it not weird? That we grew up together? So alone apart from each other? We were our own family, Elspeth, I just worry that…"

"What, Ianto?"

"I'm just… I don't want to get hurt again. I'm … I'm worried Jack only … cares for me as a brother."

Elspeth laughed, she actually laughed. "Ianto, Jack loves you beyond all blood reason! How you didn't see it before I do not know. He adored you as a child. You may see him as your Captain, but you're his too. You know what? You're his Pilot!"

We both laughed at the ridiculousness of the metaphor but once our giggles subsided, Elspeth touched my hand lightly again. "Thank you. I think I needed this chat."

I almost snorted. "Sorry?"

"Ianto, you may think that I have gained nothing from this but I now know that if fail to fight this Jack will have someone who, as you put it, 'cares for' him."

"Elspeth don't talk like that. You're going to be OK." _You have to be, _I added mentally, and ignored the not so subtle jab at my lack of admitting love. I wasn't ready for _that _yet.

Our eyes met and something was shared, I wasn't yet sure what. But I knew it mattered. Then Jack walked in and it was back to hiding how deep our feelings ran…

* * *

><p>"JACK! IANTO! DINNER BOYS!"<p>

Jack and I simultaneously grinned. "What do you reckon she's cooked now?"

"Oooo, I don't know! Could be a many number of things!"

I wiggled my eyebrows flirtatiously. "There's quite a list."

Jack couldn't help it and burst out laughing, one of those uncontrollable loud barks of pure joy. Jack had been glowing all day; it was clear how much he had missed home. He was just so dam good at hiding it behind his mask of confidence, God; I'd have to learn to break down all his walls again. Turns out the man I thought I knew so well really was a stranger. Still, there was always the next however many years we're alive, if you look on the bright side.

Jack's laughing calmed and he playfully glared at me. "How do you keep such a straight face, Mr Jones?"

"Great practise. And the ability to be sarcastic in all situations, Sir."

Jack's mega-watt smile became, if possible, even larger. "I rather like the 'Sir' Ianto. You'd make a wonderful employee. Very good in a suit." Jack's eyes racked over me and I couldn't stop the blush that filled my face. "You may be the master of sarcasm – although I bet Owen would give you a run for his money- but I will always make sure you blush."

"Sadly, Sir, I fear you may always be able to make one blush. It must be your immaturity making me so ashamed to be in you presence."

"Oh no, Mr Jones, it's my outstanding good looks. I'm surprised all the blood rushes to your head and not slightly further south." It was ridiculous how cheeky he could look.

He sauntered of quickly, parting with a wink. "Now the ruddy blood is going south." I muttered to myself, trumping back to the house. "Stupid Harkness: stupid flirt. Stupid Jones: stupid blood."

"What was that Ianto? Something about your blood?" Elspeth asked innocently. I wasn't sure whether she had heard the conversation or if she honestly was in the blue, but the impish grin on her face – honestly, it must be a Harkness thing- made me swing quickly toward the former.

"Nothing Elspeth. Just… It's nothing. Needn't worry."

Jack smothered his giggles at how flustered I was. He knew embarrassment was my weakness, and he did all in his power to exploit it. "Shut up, Jack."

"Aw, come on! Your just so cute!" he said, I contemplated the thought of Jack's behaviour being due to alien artefacts, then I simply cocked my head to the right and squinted my eyes at him.

"Are you a 9 year-old Gwen Cooper, or even, a present day and slightly hyper Gwen Cooper?" I dead-panned before sliding into my seat next to him.

"Are you purposefully trying to insult me today, Ianto? Or is it just your true colours showing? Don't worry, I know you love me really." He joked but there was a truth underlining his words which we both ignored.

Jack was still beaming at me, head rested on his closed fist. For a reason I didn't quiet understand a sudden surge of emotion washed over me and I couldn't help but smile oh so softly back. Jack's grin began to fade into something calmer and he searched my face; looking for the answers I hunted for in him. _Something _passed between us but I didn't for the life of me know what because this was all so _new._

The moment was broken, as often seems to happen, by Elspeth who placed to plates of steaming soup in front of us. "Eat this quickly, boys, I've got a main course for you too!"

The meal passed quickly with easy chat flowing, it was relaxed and I felt so at home. But that _something _with Jack was still niggling at me, it wasn't until later, as I stepped out of the shower that I realised I must speak with Jack. My Captain needed to know that I though… He needed to know that I _knew _I was ready to…Whatever… take the next step and be with him? Yeah, that would do.

I dried myself thoughtfully making sure I looked my best for Jack. Was that strange- to be thinking like that so suddenly? Christ, it was only last night I fully grabbed the concept of who Jack was to me and how much I meant to him.

However it felt good did it not? To know I had someone to impress, to know I had someone waiting for me? It felt right that the person be Jack. Being with Lisa… I had always been embarrassed, I didn't like dressing up for dates because I felt she wasn't looking at me anyway- I knew this while I was dating her. Was I really such a fool to believe she loved me? If only I had noticed Jack then… This really was escalating so rapidly; I'd gone from running away from what I felt to running to it. Maybe it was being home. Maybe it didn't matter.

I needed to talk to Jack. Needed to man up and face the music. But what music? Because realisticallywhat was the problem?

It took me a few blissful days of relaxing with Elspeth and Jack to come the conclusion that I just needed to talk to Jack. I was sitting on the sofa flicking through the TV channels while Jack went to get some food when I decided I had to talk to him. I had it all planned in my head: he would come back into the room and I would just say it.

Then Jack yelled, so loud, and I was broken out of my reverie by the fear in his accent. There had to be something wrong, no one has that kind of panic in their voice unless something is wrong. I ran through the hall and into the kitchen where I dived to the floor next to Jack.

"Oh my God, Oh God. Oh Jesus, Jack, what happened? Oh crap, I'll call, shit, called the .. oh God Jack! What do I do?"

"I don't know Ianto! Just do SOMETHING! Get me the phone. Get me the BLOODY PHONE! For God's sake Ianto!" he punched in '999' and waited for the ringing to stop. "Ambulance, get me an ambulance!"

I sat like a lost cause at Elspeth's side, grasping her hand and stinging from Jack's words. "Come on, Elspeth, come on. What even happened?"

"I don't frigging know, Ianto. I just found her." Jack spoke back into the phone. "Yeah, that's right. Look she's got cancer. I don't know if it's related but I don't know. Just.. Hurry."

Jack hung up having given all the details and turned to me. "Sorry, Yan, I just… She's my Mum, you know?"

I touched his arm lightly with my own. "I know Jack, she's mine too. She'll be OK, Jack."

"You don't know that, Ianto. You don't believe it either."

The worst thing was it was true. I couldn't trust that she'd be OK, however much I wanted to.


	8. Chapter 8: Part Eight

**A/N Thank you for lovely reviews, faves, alerts, the lot. Hope this is okay, any typos etc just pm/review me****:)**

Elspeth was loaded into the ambulance, of course by now she was conscious and pleading her release. "Oh, Jack, let me off here- get me out of this van, son?"

"No, Mum." He said, petting her hand with worry coursing through him, "you need to be examined. I don't care if this has happened before- that means you should already have gone to the doctor!"

"Ianto? Won't you help me?" she asked, I shook my head firmly. "Traitors." She murmured, well humouredly.

"Which of you is coming in the ambulance? Who are you?" The clearly bad-tempered paramedic asked.

"I'm Jack, she's my mum. Ianto and I will both go."

"Only one person, of blood relation I must add, may travel in the ambulance." He grumbled, sighing loudly.

I narrowed my eyes. "Come on! I'm like a... adopted son?"

He raised his eyebrows and made to speak but Jack cut across him. "He's my boyfriend. If you've got a problem with that, frankly, I don't care, but my mother would want him there and I know you have enough room in that van!"

"As I _said_ one person of blood relation in the ambulance."

Jack grumbled a loud protest then turned from the man to me. I, however, was not much conversation as I was still getting over the shock of being labelled Jack's "boyfriend". Still I masked it after deciding that Jack was saying this simply to try and get me in the van, this thought saddened me when I realised how much I liked the sound of Jack and I and a couple… Anyway, back to reality.

"It's fine Jack. You go, Elspeth needs you, and I'll get a Taxi."

"Will you be okay, Ianto? You look kind of shocked?"

"I'm fine. It's just… We'll talk later, yeah?" I asked nervous and very conscious the paramedic was listening in on every word.

Luckily Jack seemed to sense the deeper meaning to my words and he embraced me gently whispering. "Yeah, Yan. We will, and we are going to be okay. I promise."

"See you, Jack." I smiled meekly at him then watched him climb into the back of the ambulance and give a small salute before the doors slammed shut with Grumpy-Paramedic storming to the front of the van and leaping in.

Jack was impatiently waiting when I arrived- "What could be taking so long?"

"I don't think we should worry. They said it could be a few hours before we know anything. Let's be glad they have technology that can give the quickest results."

I felt him slump a little. "You know exactly what to say, Ianto, you are always so God dam right."

"It's a helpful character trait, I must say."

Jack smiled. "Is it time to talk? There is nothing else to do, after all."

"I don't know what to say Jack. I think I understand a little more now, I know where I want to be. I'm still not sure about you though, what do you see us as?"

"Ianto, you have to remember how long I have dreamt of this for: I will move heaven and earth to keep you. Whether as a friend or more. It is your choice. Only I can't live with being without you."

"Yes, Jack, you've told me that, what I am trying to say is that I don't know how this works. I don't know what it is like. I have never been with a man, Lisa is one of the few people I slept with and that went awfully wrong. Relationships have never worked out for me. With a man is a new experience all over again!"

"You want the truth? Being with a man is exactly the same and totally different to being with a woman. The principles are the same- being bisexual doesn't mean you want to sleep around with everything that moves. It doesn't mean you _have _to cheat. It hurts just as much if a man betrays you."

"Okay, but you _do _sleep around! You _do _cheat."

"Only because my previous partners meant anything to me." He paused. "Since I was 15, Ianto, that is … Man, it's a long time to… want, need, whatever…'fancy' someone." Jack took my hand and tried to make eye contact. "Ianto Jones I would never even think of jeopardising what we could have."

"So… Jack the thing I don't understand is why didn't you just ask me out?"

"You were straight." He answered simply.

"That is it though; I am still straight! You are different to all the other people I know. You are smart, funny, flirty, bloody good at everything without really trying and you are always… You keep happy, always, in front of everyone. I know that you have to deal with the emotions the rest of us do, and I know we are both good at hiding what we feel and think, but recently I have been wondering if I really know you at all…"

"I'm sorry. What?" he asked confused and, if I was any judge of character which I was seriously doubting, with a hint of anger.

"You know me better than anyone on this earth. No one else, barring Elspeth, come even close to touching my emotions. Only I didn't notice you…'fancied' me. I didn't notice quite how much of a mask your flirtation is. I didn't really notice who you are at all. Maybe I…Do I deserve the dedication, time and care you have given me? You waited so long for even a glimmer that I might notice you in _that _sense and when I did- I ran away!"

"Then you came back. And that, Ianto, is the important thing. You needed time. It happens to all of us. If you think you are doing something classed by society as 'different' then you shy away from it. You are only human. I'm particularly opened minded, and in a way I always knew that I liked to 'bat both ways' and that helped me."

"You called me your boyfriend." I stated.

"Yeah. I did. Not only because I wanted you in that van with Mum and I. I want us to be together, Ianto. I have nothing to lose but you and Mum: she will stand beside me always but she would never leave you. If you didn't wish to be with me, Christ, if you broke my heart you would still be her son. So there, I have said it. I want to be with you. What do you want?"

"I want-"

There was a cough from behind us- Doctor Jones had arrived. "Hello, Miss Harkness is causing quite a riot waiting to see you so if you would care to follow me?"

I didn't know what to say to that: it was almost as though the world hated the thought of me and Jack being together and was doing all in its power to stop that happening. I felt rather than heard Jack's small curse at being interrupted again but a second later the news had caught up with us.

"Mum is okay?" Jack bounced onto his feet.

"Yes," Doctor Martha Jones replied, "she's going to be ok. She was collapsing due to a mishap in her prescribed drugs; we are very sorry and assure you it won't happen again."

"Yeah, too right it won't." Jack growled.

I interrupted before Jack could get too angry. "Elspeth is waiting. Lets go."

"Where is she then, Doc Jones?"

Doctor Jones scowled at the abbreviation then led them to where Elspeth waited. "Oh Jack! Ianto! I told you I was fine, didn't I?"

"Elspeth! If we had not come here you would have been taking drugs that would have done god-knows-what to you!"

Her brows furrowed. "Yes, Ianto. That is true. Oh, why are you boys so smart!"

Jack laughed fondly. "Because, Mum, you brought us up."

The rest of the afternoon was spent waiting for Elspeth to be released and chatting happily. Once we were home it was late evening and Elspeth went to bed, leaving Jack and I to talk.

"So, Yan. We going to finish our discussion?"

"Yeah, Jack, I guess we have too."

Jack smiled, reaching to take my hand. "You were going to tell me what you wanted. From us."

"I hoped you already knew…" I really wished I wasn't going to have to say this.

"You know what I want. Or you know that I will do anything for you. I know what I want you to be saying because it is what I want. I just don't know if you will say that. Does that make sense?"

I nodded. There was so much doubt and uncertainty I wasn't surprised I offended Jack. "You say… You say you will commit to me, yes Jack?"

"God, Yan." Jack groaned. "How many times to I have to tell you? I will do anything for you because you, and you alone, are the only person I have ever wanted to be with! Do you not understand?"

"No, I don't! You have told me that you have… cared for me for such a long time but I really… You have been with so many people Jack. You have so much experience. I'm not sure that I can be enough for you. I'm… scared you are expecting more form me than I can give."

"Man, how many times am I going to have to say this? We do what _you _want. We go at _your _pace. You tell me to leave you I will, unwillingly but I will go. You tell me to be with you I will be. You tell me you…care for me and I'll say it back a hundred times over. You have to understand I will give you _anything. _So, tell me, Ianto. What is it you want?"

"I… I wanna be with you Jack. In every way that I can be. Your friend, partner, confidant. I want to be yours and … Oh God, it's all so soppy but I want to know that you are mine and I don't want that to ever end because being with you even now, when I feel more embarrassed and uncomfortable than I ever have in my life, I feel like I can be someone. You make me … Ugh, I dunno, complete? You make me good Jack. I thought Lisa took from be the ability to be romantic and slushy- I thought she made me a sarcastic, pessimistic bastard. But when you are here Jack… I feel… Something oh so close to happiness. I have a feeling, a very strong one, that if we are together and if we… work? I have a feeling that I will be _happy_. That is something I have not been for a very long time. Or so I thought. Truth is every moment I have been with you everything has been easier."

Jack had tears in his eyes. "Ianto, I have dreamt of hearing you say that. Actually hearing you say it makes it so much better. I will be with you, Yan. I will stay with you for as long as I can- even if we do fall out I will stay as a friend. Not that I even want to think about us breaking up. I really do care about you, maybe more than I should."

I didn't quite know what to say to that so instead I, very hesitantly, leaned forwards and brushed my lips with Jack's…


	9. Chapter 9: Part Nine

**A/N I'm sorry I know this was due yesterday but I had the idea of Jack and Ianto in a young offenders and got distracted planning the thought of maybe doing that and, well, forgot to write this story (anyone like the sound of that by the way?)**

**Apologies if this chapter is a bit all over the place... Which it is!**

Kissing Jack was… interesting to say the least. I took the lead, as I would with Lisa, and Jack let me. He was being gentle, but I found that wasn't what I wanted. My hand went to cup his neck and pull him closer to me as I kissed harder. He caught on quickly and his hand rose to curl around my shoulder then moved to cup my cheek.

It was bliss, if I am to be honest with myself. Jack knew what he was doing and kissing a man… To be honest it was better than kissing a girl or kissing Jack was better than kissing Lisa, I was not quite sure which. There was strength about kissing a man, Jack was strong and it was lovely to be held rather than to being the one holding. Lisa could hug me and kiss me better if I was down but Jack could really embrace me. There was something that felt right in the sensation.

I pulled back and opened my eyes, which had fluttered closed as had Jacks, he wasn't smiling at me but his eyes said it all. I felt emotion overcome me and Jack must have felt the same as, in a completely masculine way of course, we broken down hugging each other.

We were still crying when Jack decided to kiss his way around my face. It was light and said more than he could put into words but I felt a tear of his drop onto my nose and that was when I knew that I had always loved Jack and I always would. I didn't need to say that I 'cared' for him anymore; because I was positive I loved him. It wasn't even confusing, it was the truth and it was unstoppable.

We stayed silent for the rest of the night but not only because Elspeth was sleeping. It wasn't until morning, having slept lying together again, that we croaked our first words.

"Jack. We need to get up." I said.

Jack looked at me though one sleepy eye then laughed equally sleepily. "I will get up if you tell me a secret."

"Okay. What would you like to know?"

"Have you always been such a good kisser?"

I coughed. "Jesus Jack, don't throw something like that out there until I have fully woken up!"

"Said by the man trying to get me out of bed."

"Huuummm, I think you'd be better _in _bed."

Jack looked astonished. "Was that some classic Harkness innuendo used by a Jones?"

"Ah, must be rubbing off on me after all these years. No, don't say anything about rubbing; you've used that before Jack."

He sighed. "Meh. I'm getting old. Need new lines."

"Nope, you don't. I think I am fairly passed the need-to-chat-up stage and you are staying with me. I am not letting you go. No way."

"Ooo. Possessive Ianto. I like it."

I slapped him slightly then grinned and lent to kiss him, I couldn't quite believe how good it felt. Jack kissed back with a passion rolling us over so he was on top of me; he poked his tongue at my closed lips which I opened.

And, oh god, Jack was good at that. I melted as soon as the kiss was deepened. Panting we drew apart, I collapsed on top of him and he let out a little "oof". We lay for a moment then I rolled of him.

"Jack. You are so bloody good at that."

He chuckled. "I can tell: you give quite a reaction."

"Uh, I'm just… Why didn't we do this before?"

Jack sat up smiling. "Cause, Yan, you weren't ready. Anyway, would you liked to… um… Dinner? A movie?

I smirked. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Interested?"

"Sure… As long as it is before we go home. I don't want to announce to Elspeth that we are actually dating over the phone from Scotland."

"I think she has a rough idea that we're together already."

"So, we are together then, yeah?"

Jack sheepishly smiled. "We are _so _insecure about each other aren't we? But, yeah, we are together."

"Good. Cause I have to say," I whispered, slightly giggly, "I really, _really, _fancy you!" Jack laughed and stood up, holding his hand out to me. I let him pull me up and into his arms: "You know, Jack, really you are just a romantic."

He snorted. "Only with you, Ianto."

I smiled at him and we jerked away from each other as Elspeth entered. She gave us a disbelieving stare and shook her head, "I'm just glad you boys finally saw sense, so kiss your way into heaven if you wish: don't mind me."

Jack grinned. "Nah, don't worry mum, we won't subject you to that."

Elspeth smiled but the smiled quickly faded. "Boys… I hate to tell you this but today I have a doctor's appointment; today I find out if I can be cured."

There was deadly silence in the room, all happy, fluffy emotion was gone. Jack stared and I looked at the floor, Elspeth picked Jack's top from the floor and folded it as though nothing was wrong. Calmly she left us to work out what just happened.

It was another shock but I recovered quickly. "Jack, breakfast, yeah?"

"Yeah… I mean, yes, yeah food. Good idea." Jack answered slightly dazed.

I took Jack to the kitchen and placed a bowl of food in front of him, he didn't touch it but he mumbled a "thanks" which was at least some recognition. Half an hour later I was cleaning the kitchen and Elspeth peered round the door.

"That's me off. See you boys later."

Jack rose immediately. "What you think you are going alone! No way! Ianto get your coat. We'll drive you there."

"Jack..." I warned: maybe this was something Elspeth wanted to do alone, _needed_ to do alone.

"No Ianto! We're going. Whether we wait in the car or go in I don't care I will not let my mother go through this alone."

"Jack I will be fine." Elspeth tried to convince him. "I coped alone until now, didn't i?"

"Yeah and that is exactly what you shouldn't have been doing." Jack sighed, rubbed his forehead then stepped towards Elspeth and took her hands. "I love you, Mum, I don't want to see you do this alone and I don't care what you say, you're my mother and I will look after you."

"Jack I would rather you stay. I know what waiting in a hospital is like; I had to do it all those years ago when your father was ill. I would feel better if I knew you were at home with Ianto."

"I'm at home whenever I am with Ianto." Jack said so quietly I knew it was meant only for Elspeth to hear, thus I pretended not to know what he had said. It was still a warming thought though, I wish Jack and I had the strength to say these things to each other's faces. We really were so insecure.

"I know, Jack, son, but I want you to stay, and I am going to be late if we stand and debate this any longer than we should. Plus I'm sure Ianto can distract you!"

I blushed and Jack's lips twitched. He could see that Elspeth would feel uneasy knowing Jack was waiting in the hospital for her and very, very reluctantly agreed to stay with me.

We waved Elspeth away and Jack was silent as I lead the way back into the house. "C'mon, Jack, nothing has happened yet. She might be okay."

"Yan, I said before that you don't believe that and I can hear it in your voice." Jack's voice dropped to a whisper. "Just.. Stay with me Ianto, don't leave me."

"Hey, hey! I'm not going anywhere Jack. What's brought this on?" Except I knew exactly what it was, if the worst happened to Elspeth I was all Jack had.

"I… Oh fuck it." Jack spluttered, I chuckled and Jack laughed too. "I'm getting too over emotional aren't I? Man, cancer takes its toll on everyone doesn't it? This isn't fair Ianto."

"I know, believe me, I know."

I hugged Jack but he quickly turned it into more and, well, he's Captain Jack Harkness and impossible to resist.

That afternoon we did not speak of Elspeth again: Jack and I, despite our reactions, did not have anything to say that had not been previously stated.

There was and urge of mine to kiss him, again, and again, and again but I supressed the urge and settled for watching him from the corner of my eye. It occurred to me that Jack had probably done precisely this when we were 15 and he realised he liked me: obliviously I had sat watching TV, as Jack did now. Our roles were reversed.

This was a moment of clam during the emotion storm we were trekking through. Between our relationship and Elspeth's illness it is a wonder that we had not gone insane.

An hour or must have passed before anything moved us: my phone began to ring. I exited the room to answer it. "Hey, Tosh. How are you?"

"I am good, how about you? Jack?" she asked.

"Yep, we're doing good, Elspeth is out shopping at the moment so we're watching TV," I lied with ease and a small part of it was the truth, "so why you calling? Not to be rude, I mean…"

"You worry too much, and you are right, I do have a reason for calling. There's a party being held at Owen's new girlfriend's flat; the bitch," Tosh giggled trying to hide the truth in her words.

"Now, now Tosh, play nice, Owen will see sense someday; trust me. He'd be mad not to!"

"Anyway, party, Friday, Owen's girlfriend's house, I'm sending you the address… now, there, waiting in your inbox is the street. I _need _you there Ianto! So get back for Thursday- don't stay on for a week longer like The Captain suggested!"

"Okay, okay, Toshiko I will try but… Wales _is _home for us, Jack loves it."

"Yes, but Ianto it's not all about Jack you know!"

"Tosh; Elspeth and Wales are my home as much as they are Jack's."

"Yeah… Well… Be there!"

"Or be square, I know, see you Tosh." I hung up and moved back to the living room, cuddling Jack on the sofa. I had missed relationships and the intimacy with another so much. Plus, Jack is very addictive.

"Party at Owen's new girlfriend's on Friday- Tosh says we have to be there because Owen is ditching her for this new girl- we did say we'd be back Jack. Not that I want to go but… Tosh can make me feel guilty when she doesn't mean to!"

"It depends, Ianto. I will stay as long as Mum needs me but you can go back to Scotland if you want although I'm staying with Mum. If she'll have me, that is."

"Jack I'm sure she would love us to stay but I get the feeling that Elspeth doesn't like having us fusing over her and she prefers dealing with this on her own. Also, she always looked after us and I think it might be hurting her to see you and I having to care for her because we are a constant reminder that she can't cope on her own."

"But Mum can cope on her own- Ianto I don't understand what you are saying!"

"I think that maybe we're reminding her that she's ill. With us here there is a continual focus on the fact she has cancer; we are here because we care and while that is a comforting thought it is also one that displays her weakness."

"Oh…Ianto I don't want to leave her!"

"I know you do not Jack because I don't either. We can ask her when she comes back, for all we know she might be okay."

"If she isn't though we are going to find out how long she has to live; the doctor would have told her today. Ianto if she only has a month I want to stay with her in that remaining time…"

I squeezed Jack and sighed, breathing in his scent. "Jack… We have to wait and see, though I think we must do what Elspeth wishes."

Right then we heard the key in the lock as Elspeth entered, we waited with bated breath as she came into the living room.

There was the tiniest yet saddest smile on her face and that was when I just knew… She may be the bravest women in this world but there was no way that this could ever be right.

**A/N I am so sorry :'(**


	10. Chapter 10: Part Ten

**A/N No reviews last time :( But thank you for those who alerted/favourited it means a lot! And by the way, I am going to ask again: thoughts on a Janto in a YOI story?**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE: Do NOT think I took any of the subjects explored throughout this story lightly. The characters are not getting over this soon but I don't want to depress my readers or myself. Thank you.**

"Oh no. No, no, no, Mum! _Shit!_" Jack cursed jumping up and frantically pacing, his hands glued his head. He paused at one side of the room and slammed his hand into the wall screaming with rage.

Elspeth grasped Jack and began to speak her tone icy and stern. "Now, you listen to me, Jack Harkness, I know this is not good news and it certainly is not what I wanted but if you ever, _ever_ act like this again I swear I will do something we will both regret. Do you think it is not hard enough without seeing you break down in a fit? Do you think that I never want to scream and hit things, huh? Because I do, but I can't Jack, since it would do no good. Seeing you hurt like this makes it all the harder because I love you and I know that this will be so awful for you, however I also know that if we deal with this in the right way we can enjoy the time I have and I can leave here knowing you two will be OK. If I know that then I will be happy to go."

"But Mum-"

"No buts Jack, the doctor gave me 3 months which isn't long, but at least I've lived a good life."

"No you haven't! Mum we were poor; every day we struggled! The Jones's treated us like shit, abused you and I, Ianto was hurt a large amount too but he didn't see all of it because you wouldn't let him. You are still living a life protecting others and not giving yourself the best chances; what's gonna happen to Ianto once you're gone? You know I am not strong enough to give myself fully to him but you know how much he means to me and you know dam well that I will never be able to cope! One day I'll repulse him, Mum."

"Jack we have 3 months; it can be made alright! Ianto would never leave you; I've seen how much he loves you and Jack don't for one second believe you would be able to give yourself to Ianto. All you need to say is those words. They don't make you vulnerable. Together they will make you strong!"

"I can't tell him, it would … He'd be the only thing I had left…"

Still sat on the sofa I had no idea what was going on but it felt like I was dying. The shock hit me hard and Elspeth's outbreak and Jacks words were enough to confuse me to the high heavens. With no idea what was going on, the urge to interrupt was astounding. However I found myself unable to speak and several times I had opened my mouth but nothing came out. Talking was impossible and suddenly I was shattered. I felt faint and things began to spin…

I do not know how long I was unconscious for but when I woke Elspeth and Jack were muttering quietly and I was wrapped in a duvet on my mattress. It was dark but I could see they were nursing cups of steaming drinks, whether tea, coffee or hot chocolate I could not tell as it was so dark, I was still in a thick haze and couldn't focus on their words but it was obvious Jack had been, or was, crying. I tried to think of why he would be so upset and I realised I couldn't remember; I searched my brain but there was nothing.

I lay dazed, still racking my brains, for a few minutes but nothing came to me- in fact I could not concentrate on any particular thoughts. Maybe, I thought to myself, I was concussed and it would all come to me soon. Only it didn't, so I gave up and shifted under the duvet to face Jack and Elspeth fully.

Then, and only then, did it come back to me in a single breath taking thought and I cried out clasping my hand to my head as searing pain shot thought it. Elspeth had cancer, _terminal _cancer. That was why Jack was crying. And the rest…Was still lost to me.

Of course I didn't care about any of the other stuff anymore, because essentially my mother was going to die and I could not handle that.

I crawled over to Jack and Elspeth and Jack embraced me immediately and I could feel him shuddering so I grasped Jack and cried into his shoulder. We silently wept for god knows how long but when we were done Elspeth had left and we were alone.

"Ianto…I can never, ever let you go. Do you understand that? I'm sorry but… All the things that happened… I can never let you go, even if you want to leave me. I… love you too much."

I shifted to look into the blue of Jack's eyes and all I saw was fear and truth. "I love you too, Jack. I think I always have. What I felt for Lisa… It's so much stronger when I think about you. We will need each other to get through this, but for now we are going to have to make the most of it."

"I…Hate this stupid world, you know that? I bet there are dozens of stars just waiting to be discovered that could put a stop to this, stars that could cure Mum."

"I like to think so, Jack, I really do." I said and settled into his chest feeling his deep, raspy breaths. His throat must be sore from crying.

Elspeth entered the room and smiled at us. "You look after each other, boys. I'm going to bed but you stay up as long as you want; don't worry about clattering around the kitchen because I sleep through anything nowadays. Be as loud as you want."

I blushed at the clear undertone of her words then my mind went into overdrive as I realised that was probably exactly what Jack wanted; something, or more someone, to make him forget everything. Jack was a man who liked sex, it was a fact pure and simple, and having wanted me since being 15 God knows what tension had built up inside him.

But I was not ready for that, no way in hell. I had never been with a man before, I had never even thought about it. It was a whole new level to our relationship I hadn't even considered. How I had forgotten I do not know but I had and I was so unbelievably petrified at the thought of what to say to Jack.

Once Elspeth had left I knew I had to speak. "Jack I am nowhere near ready to do _that_ yet. I'm sorry but-"

"Don't worry, Yan, I've held on for this long already. I can wait till you feel… comfortable?" He snorted at his own words, a moment of relaxation to let us escape.

"Oh Jack. Maybe we just weren't meant to be; it seems like everything gets in our way!"

"Ianto I just told you I loved you. That is not something I do all that often! I'm fairly certain that proves enough!"

I sighed, "I guess you are right, Jack, but do you not feel like… This really does feel _right _for you, yes?"

"Oh for Gods sakes Ianto! I love you, I fucking love you! Without you, I could never bare to live, I don't care whether you feel the same or not because I am too much of a selfish bastard to let you go. This feels right to me and because of that I am willing to wait a thousand years for you. If I were immortal I would wait one very long life for you Ianto; and I'd live it celibate if you wanted me to!"

I scoffed poking his ribs, "like you ever could."

"Yeah. Well… Let's just say it wasn't always the name of the kid I was fucking that I called out."

I gasped. "Jack.. What the..?"

"Oh come on, Ianto! You didn't think I was _completely _hiding how I felt? God no! Did you ever wonder why John Hart hated you so? See, he was my… let's say fuck-buddy… when I thought I was going to die I needed you so much!"

"You are telling me that every time you shagged John Hart you faked it- pretended he was me?"

"Well… Yeah. That doesn't freak you out does it..? I mean, I'm not sorry about doing it. If anything it proved how much I love you."

"I'm not… freaked out, so much. More emotionally scarred! Jack what the heck were you thinking!"

"I was thinking that I treasured you too much to hide it! I got to the point where I cared about no one else! THAT, Ianto Jones, is why I could never commit to a relationship; I couldn't allow the person to think I wanted them. The whole time I was dating Gwen, Suzie, John… Christ when I dated Angelo all I thought about was you!"

_Ugh, _I thought, _Angleo. He was a right bastard; Jack suffered a lot of shit because of him! God I hate that fucking KID!_ "I thought you really liked Angelo…?"

"Maybe I could have done if I hadn't compared his every character trait to yours. Plus if he wasn't such a betraying and ignorant twat who called me the devil!"

I laughed softly at Jack's angered face. Although it was disturbing to hear that John Hart knew all about Jack's lusting for me it was a complement in a way, and Jack was the one and only Captain Jack Harkness; his shagging behaviours weren't for me to criticise.

"But I'll wait for _you_, Ianto Jones." He continued, breath ghosting over my ear as he whispered in a rough voice. "I will wait until you are ready and when you are I will make sure it is and experience you never frigging forget."

I shuddered and turned to claim his lips in a bruising kiss; I may not be ready to go too far but Jack's kisses were so addictive! It was a long while before I stopped…

**A/N Love you lots!**

**PS sorry but I hated Angelo.**


	11. Chapter 11: Part 11: Part 1

**A/N Sorry. Hetic week. Drama essays... Gah! Only a quarter of what you usually get and 5 days late but that's what you get for not reviewing! Ha! I'm evil! Thanks to those who alerted :D**

We woke simultaneously the next morning and a night's sleep seemed to have improved both our outlooks. We had a certain time frame in which we could be together but time spent moping would get us nowhere, and do nothing but waste the little while we had.

Jack was quickly dressed and in the kitchen, I soon followed him. Elspeth had been making waffles- she was treating us all. Jack took the liberty of returning the favour and he helped Elspeth with the cutlery and plates; I would wash up.

We made idle chitchat and Jack mentioned Tosh's invitation to Owen's party. "She said something about his girlfriend, yes Ianto?"

"Yep, I bet she has a great house; Owen's been going for high flyers recently."

"Literally, Mum, he's been stalking pilots. You recon she's one, Ianto?"

"Humm, probably, she'll be loaded."

"So will you boys be off on Thursday then?" Elspeth asked the inevitable.

"Um… Jack?"

"Well… Ianto you could always go?"

I gaped at Jack. "No way, if you get to stay with Elspeth so do I! I may love Tosh but I won't give up my time with Elspeth for her! Specifically, I will not go alone."

Jack sighed and Elspeth spoke. "I think you boys should go, it would be good to get you back into the social circle." Jack and I stared dumbfounded. "What? Look, I don't want to get arid of you, but… Maybe we all need some time alone, yeah?"

I understood what Elspeth was saying and I could work out easily that she meant no harm by it. That didn't mean I was fully accepting of it, however. "We could… For a few days. Then come back."

"I… Um… Yeah, maybe Yan's right. Do you want us to, Mum?"

"I would appreciate it, yes, but please don't go for long. I do need a little time alone.. But.. I love you boys."

"The feeling is so brilliantly mutual." I replied, smiling.

Jack's lips quirked too, and I felt his hand reach out under the table, searching for mine. I grasped it and squeeze reassuringly.

Something happened then, and I felt content. I don't really understand how given the situation I could, but I knew that Jack would always be there, and I knew that Elspeth loved us. And something in that, a small part of a small _something_, was so reassuring.

**A/N Baz, my friend, if you're reading, HELLO!**


	12. Chapter 12: Part 11: Part 2

**A/N Thank you to PterodactylsFly for inspiring me to get of my arse and write :)**

**Hey, Okay, I was stupid and forgot to do this but I'm doing it now. In Scotland same-sex marriage is illegal- help us make it legal for those who want it! Please go to TheWeddingFairy's fanfiction profile and follow the details there! Cheers!**

"Jack, let me go!" I cried.

"Nuh-uhh! Your mine! Admit it!"

"Boys, boys, calm down. Jack, let him go, son!"

"Not until he says it!"

"Jack," I gasped in between my giggles, "please stop! I'm… Not gonna… say.. Jack! Don't do that! JACK!"

"What? I happen to find that spot particularly sensitive on my fellow men!"

"JACK! Elspeth is here!"

"So? Come on, she knows we're together. Why not share a little love, eh?"

"Um, when the love comes in a particularly _physical_ way, I'm not sure our _mother _will want to see!"

"Well…" Jack's voice dropped. "This Captain sure can't wait for the day that things get a bit more physical!"

"Jack," I murmured, my voice mush quieter, "I told you… I'm not…"

He pressed his finger to my lips, "I know. Now shut up and confess your mine!"

"Never!" I grinned and dived away from him, shamelessly showing my behind as I scrambled away.

In the kitchen I reunited with the coffee machine for what would be the last time that day: the day of Owen's party had arrived. Packed and ready Jack and I were dreading our leave. Neither of us wanted to go and, for the first time in his life, Jack was not up for a party.

The stupidest thing was not the fact we did not want to leave yet were still going, but was the fact we knew we would get no work done in the weekend we had agreed to part with Elspeth for.

It was an unspoken arrangement but I had a feeling Jack and I both knew it was there. Once back in Scotland we would be in our own flat, and we'd be alone. No longer would Jack be bringing strangers home or returning, drunk, in the early hours of the morning. I too, would not be pretending to have any form of love life.

Just the two of us, in that flat, alone. Terrifying.

The unspoken agreement was, of course, along the lines of having sex.

Jack, being a sexual man, would need and want it before he could feel comfortable that I knew how much he cared. I, being a much less physical person after Lisa, was wishing this party would never come for more than the simple reason of leaving Elspeth.

Not that I didn't _want _to be intimate with Jack. More that I was scared of how unknown the experience was. Jack slept with anything, for Christ's sakes he'd been with _John Hart_, and was used to the experience, plus he knew it would be pleasurable for him.

Again, not that I expected being with Jack wouldn't be _good_, but I was always with women, never before a man. And the thought of having something shoved _up there_ was painful to even think about.

The other side of my brain, the more reckless side, was saying that this would be what Jack and I needed and that I needed to grow some balls, man up and take it.

This side also persuaded me to be more open to the idea but tainting me with the thought of Jack's _bloody fantastic _reputation in bed.

Then there was the fully-Ianto-way-of-thinking which was somewhere in between these two sides. This part was telling me that, _Jack loves you, he'll wait for you, _and, _you don't have to go the whole way in the one night._

I could only hope this section was correct.

On the train, Jack caused a large kerfuffle.

Having both of us managed to stay dry eyed during our departure with Elspeth, things had been looking good. Until Jack got on the very busy train.

"Bloody working-people. It's not a fucking tube! Don't just hop on and off!"

"They aren't, Jack." I growled, smiling apologetically at the people sending filthy looks our way.

"Yeah they are, see this guy? He's like a weevil. Rawr! Yeah, don't you glare at me!"

A weevil? "Jack, what the fuck?" I couldn't help but hiss. Immediately, Jack snapped out of it.

"Sorry, what?"

"What the hell are you on Jack? Have you taken something? You better blood not have!"

"I.. Uh… Maybe," he giggled, then stage-whispered. "You know Mum's bookcase? She had some alcohol in there. I might just have," he wiggled his eyebrows, "snagged a bit!"

"Had to do it while on the train didn't you?" I asked rhetorically.

Jack must have sensed the bitterness in my voice and he sobered immediately- I never knew how he did it, it'd been a trick he always knew. "Hey! I'll have you know I can be very responsible with my drink."

"Just… Save it for tonight, yeah?"

He pouted. "If you insist, Yan. Only for you."

I sighed, the rest of the journey passed fairly blissfully once we secured seats and soon enough we were hopping on the second, much quieter train. By this time Jack was asleep.

"Hey! Toshiko! Long-time no see, eh?" Jack bellowed.

I was already shattered, the party was only just beginning but after hauling a sleepy Captain into a taxi and up the stairs along with suitcases I was weak.

"Hey, Jack!" Tosh smiled, daintily hugging him. "Ianto, are you okay?"

"Yes, Toshiko, thank you. I'm just tired."

She raised an eyebrow, "Jack worn you out?"

Instantly Jack was leering and the comment was on the tip of his tongue; I dragged him back towards me and interrupted. "Not quite," I smiled sweetly, "it was a long journey and Jack had to be carried to the flat because he was out of it!"

Tosh smiled. "Let's go in, shall we? Thank you for this, Ianto."

"No… No problem." I lied- it was a very big problem. A very big problem that involved Jack wanting to get very drunk, and shagged- by me!

"OWEN!" Jack bellowed, engulfing the man in a hug. "Feels like years! So, you got a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, Jack, about her. I meant to warn you… She's friends with Gwen. Gwen is here."

"Oh you are fucking joking?" Tosh snarked. "That bloody girl! She turns up everywhere- I thought she was moving away and studying-not partying!"

"So she said, but Jack, please don't do anything. Diane… I like her okay? You know that aint exactly a regular thing for me."

"It's okay, Owen." Jack nodded. "I understand. That doesn't mean I'm promising anything, if Gwen tries anything with me…"

"I'll put her in her place." I interrupted, slipping my hand into Jacks, easing his fingers out of the fist they had bunched into. He smiled at me and nodded a little in thanks.

Owen grimaced. "Save it for your flat, yeah?"

Jack raised his eyebrows. "You think that's bad? Wait till we're getting physical and not lovey-dovey! Would you prefer that?"

"When you get it on, Jack Harkness, is no business or interest of mine!" Owen backed away, hands in the air.

"So, I gather you two are, like, official now?"

"Yeah, Tosh. I'd say we are." Jack answered before I could as he sliped an arm around my waist.

She made a noise I can only describe as a 'squee' and threw her arms around us. "Now I have something to party about! Come on. Diane's house is huge, she is so _annoyingly _rich!"

"Do I again detect a hint of jealously, Miss Sato?"

"Well… Not exactly jealousy… I mean… it's more.."

"You're okay, Tosh. We don't mind- in fact, if Owen was as smart as he should be he'd be dancing with you right now. He'll come round."

"Will he? It's not like he knows I'm here."

"Don't talk like that, Tosh. Owen adores you… He just hasn't realised it yet." I stated weakly.

All three of us shared a look, and then burst into laughter. "Aw Yan, worst explanation ever!"

"Yeah? Gimmie time, I'll think of something. I'm a Jones! I know everything!"

Jack laughed. "If so, what am I thinking right now?"

I smiled, a boost of confidence attacking from nowhere. I slid up Jack, making sure to brush against him and whispered in his ear. "Ohhh yeaahhh!"

He grinned then laughed. "Ianto Jones. Used to think you were innocent. Now I know you are anything but!"

"It's all that time I spend with you Jack. I'm allowed to put the talent I have gained to use when with you."

"I'm sure you have other talents…?"

"I repeat. Ohh yeahh."

Jack's grin grew wider and he chuckled, grabbed my hand and pulled me to a table where drink was filling every square inch. "Looky, looky. This will give you the confidence you need, Jones. Time to man up and let me take you!"

"I want you to Jack. Really… But… I have never been with a man… What if it hurts?"

Jack raised a hand and looked at me earnestly, "I promise you. I'll be gentle. You will love it, I assure you."

"I hope so." I awkwardly changed the conversation with a heavy intake of breath. "Where did Tosh go?"

"I dunno. How many friends does this _Diane _have? This place is packed- I know no one!"

"I wouldn't be able to find Tosh for the life of me. She is so small- I would not be surprise if she got lost!"

I was trying to keep the topic off sex. So far Jack had responded, but I could feel the thoughts he was having hanging in air and it wasn't long before he expressed them. "Ianto… Owen does not need us here, maybe we could… leave?"

"We came for Tosh, not Owen." I quivered.

"Yeah, but I can see her- she is not going to be alone tonight! Look, she's there. With that guy, no, wait, girl! Go Toshiko!"

I laughed softly, Jack made everything so relaxed. "You… You sure, Jack?"

"I'm positive, Ianto. Let's go."

I let him lead me away by my hand and, oh God, was I nervous.

**A/N Sorry if this chapter is a bit off, I needed to move the story on though.**

**By the way, if any of you are hoping the next chapter will be M rated I am sorry to DISAPPOINT. **

**Smut is just not something I...'do' :L**


	13. Chapter 13: Part Twelve

I gave a breathless chuckle, "Wow."

Jack laughed into my neck, "Yeah. That was quite something."

"Yeahhh," I sighed, contentedly winding my arms around Jack. "It was… Different, I guess."

Jack grinned. "That's what they _all_ say."

I slapped him. "Shuddup."

He quickly pecked my newly formed pout away, "Seriously, though, how was it? Did I… you know, hurt you or anything, cause I was careful but I know it's..."

"No, Jack, I'm fine. How.. how was I?"

Jack leered immediately. "Ohhh, can't wait till next time Ianto."

I, instead of permitting myself to blush, chortled. "I'm that good, huh?"

Jack looked taken aback before leaning to kiss me again, "These surprising quirks are why I love you Ianto!"

"And my coffee, and my arse, and my Welsh vowels, and my suits an-" he kissed me, _again_, not that I am complaining.

"Quiet Jones!"

"Yes, Sir!"

He waggled his eyebrows, "Sir, is it?" I groaned and pushed him off me smiling as I got of the bed. "Where you going?"

"Bathroom."

"You'll come back yeah?"

"Of course. Just… got to clean up."

I heard his laugh from the door way.

Once in the bathroom I shut the door and breathed deeply, scanning my face in the mirror. I'd done it. It had been terrifying. It had been bloody fantastic.

"Jack Harkness," I grumbled to myself, "you are something special."

As the shower warmed I contemplated how quickly our relationship was moving. A few weeks ago the thought of being with a man would have made me run to the hills all on its own. In fact, it still did, but the thought of being with Jack no longer scared me. Now, I embraced it _very_ willingly.

My shower was quick and I padded towards the bedroom (was it mine, Jack's or ours now?) and found Jack where I had left him- sprawled across the bed. I sighed, "Up, I'm changing the sheets. I refuse to sleep in a bed with… _that_ still in it."

Jack grinned and then frowned. "Do I have to shower?"

"Uh.. Yeah, Jack you weren't seriously going to stay how you are? That's disgusting."

He looked sheepish. "I kinda got used to it..."

At my horrified look he- sensibly- shut up.

A day later, Jack was complaining as I forced him to do some work. "Mr Wallace said it would not wait, and I say so too. As I rightly remember you promised you would do anything I say?"

"_That _was when we were in a _very _different situation." Jack mumbled under his breath.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing." He glared. "You are going to stay with me, right?"

"Of course. I have to do the essay too, remember?"

"Why do lecturers do this to us? Writing essays is pointless- you just write what you wrote for the last one and change the character names and play title."

I sighed. "Jack, _that_ is _exactly_ what you are _not_ meant to do."

"Then how come I get top grades?" He boasted.

"Cause you flirt with the teachers and do actually follow the structure. They can't mark you down for lack of an idea, which is ridiculous, but you should be putting more creativity into your essay."

"Hey, what brought that on?"

"Um, Mr Wallace and I had a chat a while ago and he said your essays had nothing to them." I said, being blunt. This was for Jack good, after all.

He frowned, "you bitched about me? With a _lecturer_?"

I smirked. "Yeah, makes a change from you shagging them, huh?"

"Hey! Hold up. I never shagged any of our teachers."

"So what was John Smith about?"

"He was different, he was _Scottish_."

I laughed. "Oh Jack, is there any hope for you?"

"There is now!" He defended. "I am a changed man, Ianto. No longer shall I roam to find innocent beings to taint with my sinful-"

I coughed. "I'm sure the library will survive without knowledge of what was planned for the end of that sentence. We are being glared at enough."

"Should not have taken me somewhere so quite then."

I growled at him. "Work, work!"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Hey!" I wined, and then lowered my voice, thickening my accent. "That's my line, Jack."

He gulped and hastily looked to his work saying. "And you expect me to concentrate!"

My essay was finished in record time. Usually this kind of thing would take me hours but Mr Wallace's faith in me had given a boost of confidence to my paper which it positively oozed out the work I produced.

Jack was still scribbling away once I was done; this made me immensely proud.

I flexed my hand, wiggling my fingers, and murmured to Jack I was taking a walk. He nodded.

Idly, I strolled through the isles looking at the worn books; the classics always returned to be taken by someone else within the hour. Then there was the new books with coarse covers, either they were too stiff or the pages fell out, but often a good read anyhow. Next there were the books that had the exciting cover, the brilliant blurb, but the dull first chapter that meant it was returned by so many people before it had the chance to join the classics. Some of them would be worthy of it too, but if you don't grab the reader, if you didn't have the likeable character, you would doomed.

Then came the graphic novel section, to me, where all the books blur into one. They're brilliant, the masses of volumes these stories can amount to but the colours and contrasts, the unusual smell that the paper creates, the little word bubble with the writing like you see on _Heroes_. All in all, it gives me the headache of a life time. Although the stories are great, I know that for fact- and the drawings have mind-blowing precision and care to them.

I stopped when I got to gardening. It had always been an idea of mine to plant a tree in honour of Elspeth when she passed. Now that I knew and accepted that the time was coming I decided it was the stage to find the right tree. I scanned quickly and selected the book I wanted. I don't know how long passed before a presence slumped into the chair beside me.

"Jack." I stated.

He grunted.

"I hate you."

I smiled. "Love you too, Captain. Now, what do you think of my amazing idea?"

I proceeded to explain to Jack all about the trees I had looked up and how long they would take to grow. He seemed to brighten at the thought of a way Elspeth could always be there.

"Yan, that's brilliant!" He kissed my cheek. "Thank you."

"It's for both of us, Jack, and for Elspeth."

He smiled and hugged me in return. It was the first time we had spoken of Elspeth's illness without wanting to cry. Time had allowed us to accept it and, despite the unfairness, embrace the stretch we still had.

The journey back to Cardiff was much more peaceful than the journey to Scotland. We bought the best hot chocolates that seemed to magically stay warm throughout our travel and was a threat to my coffee it was so good!

Jack made particularly lewd noises, luckily quietly, while drinking his much like he did the first time he drank my coffee. Only this time it had much more of an effect on me.

Elspeth welcomed us with cake which we gobbled down and settled to watch the TV that was on on a Monday night. We settled for EastEnders.

Immediately Jack was engrossed. I found it hard to connect; the plot was just so out there. Nonetheless it was quite interesting to watch- Alfie was hilarious. And 'FatBoy' (Honestly, BBC, what were you thinking?) was intriguing. Jack, on the other hand just babbled about how happy he was that Christian didn't wear much in the form of tops…

I was most defiantly not jealous…

I did not make a mental note to go to the gym…

Soon after, Elspeth wished us goodnight- she had taken to going to bed early- and Jack was prowling over to me.

I raised my eyebrows, "think you're having your wicked way with me, huh?"

"No, Ianto. I _know _I am having my wicked way with you."

Then he pounced.

Elspeth and Jack needed some time alone, I concluded. So I made my way to the supermarket and, predictably as supermarkets are busy and I have bad luck, I bumped into none other than… Lisa Hallett.

"Oh shit," we both murmured.

I could not help but glare; she could not help but plaster a fake smile on her face. "Ianto. How pleasant to see you, what you doing in Wales? Oh, sorry, what _are _you doing in Wales, I know how only Jack can get away with bad English around you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Jack doesn't get away with anything around me. Jack simply has charisma that some people lack."

"So you admit you fancy him now?" She spat, immediately bitter.

"I admit far more than that, Lisa. I admit that I fancy Jack, love him and think he's great in bed." A syrupy smiled grew on my face as her shock. "Have a good day."

"Ianto wait! You fucked Jack?"

I laughed humourlessly. "Oh we more than fucked Lisa- and it is all thanks to you! Why, if you had never mentioned my possible liking of Jack the last time we met I doubt I would ever have embraced my feelings as I have. You gave me the jolt I needed. For that I thank you."

"But.. You were supposed to… He was going to…You're not meant to be happy!"

My grin never faltered. "Oh but I am," I sighed contently for effect. "So very, very happy. Good day."

I turned my back on her, unable to keep my smirk from morphing into a beam at her horror. To passers-by I probably looked like a manic, grinning the way I was, but that didn't stop me. _Who cares what they think?_ I thought. _The only thing that matters is me, Jack and Elspeth._ I was at peace.

"Honey," I murmured, "I'm home!"

After heaving my two orange Sainsbury's plastic bags thought the hall and onto the kitchen table I scanned the house for Jack and Elspeth. They were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps, I reasoned, they had gone for a walk.

However my pondering was interrupted as I glanced out the window and saw Jack and Elspeth lying on the grass, staring at the clouds. It seemed an odd thing for a woman of Elspeth's age to be doing, then again, she was a Harkness and there was no saying what they would do.

I slipped out the door and into the garden, as I edged closer, with a certain fear of breaking the spell that mother and son seemed to be in, I could see that only Jack had his eyes open. They flickered as he registered my presence but other than that there was no movement, Elspeth didn't react at all.

As quietly as I could, I lay next to Jack who entwined our fingers without breaking his connection to the clouds. Shoulder to shoulder we lay, our arms resting together. I watched his face, gazing as I so often found myself doing recently, and again saw little reaction.

A few mere seconds later I realised how uncomfortable I felt. While usually at peace with Jack by my side I felt as though intruding on a deeply personal moment. I slowly broke the connection between us, as gracefully as I could. His eyes twitched to search mine and he gave a small nod of understanding then looked back to the sky.

Alone, but feeling more content than I had whilst on the grass with my Harkness family, I crept back to the house and watched from a far as Elspeth bathed in the sun and Jack searched the stars.

It became apparent within the next days that this would become something close to daily fixed point. Continuously Jack and Elspeth would wander, together, to lie on the grass. Rain or shine, with a blanket or not they always lay together.

I did not feel left out. I was not jealous. All that I felt was that it was an amazing thing; the two people I loved more than anything had finally found a way to say what they could not put into words. They had found a way to cherish each other until separated forever. It made my heart both thump with joy and ache with heartbreak at the same time.

**A/N Naw, don't you just love Ianto? Reviews are _adored_.**


	14. Chapter 14: Part Thirteen

**A/N Sorry it's a day late! I'm not particularly happy with this chapter but... HeyHo, I tired to fix it and there is no point making you, my lovely readers, wait while I change nothing or make it worse!**

**PS- If anybody didn't see my note about gay marriage in Scotland being illegal could they please look at Chapter 12: Part 11: Part 2**

"Jack?" I whispered softly, he gave no response, "Jack, we have to wake up. Jack you promised!"

"Guhnfg. What?" he groaned, slowly coming round.

"Jack, you lazy sod, get up! You agreed to help me prepare for breakfast!"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, just, one more, just gimme a minute."

"Alright, I'll be in the kitchen. If you aren't there in 5 I'll be coming back to jump on you."

"That _really _shouldn't sound so appealing." He mumbled and wearily rubbed his eyes.

In the kitchen I, quietly as possible, began to arrange the necessary bowls and ingredients for Elspeth's birthday surprise- she'd be 62. A few minutes later and Jack lolloped into the kitchen.

"So Yan, what we making?"

"I thought we could make a vanilla sponge cake. Simple, quite quick and Elspeth loves them. I've got strawberries too but it's not really their time of year so that's only an option."

"Something to ponder as we bake!"

I laughed, "Yeah, something to ponder. But remember we have to be quiet, Elspeth's only upstairs."

"If she slept through the noise last night I am fairly certain she will sleep through a bit of clatter down here."

I blushed furiously and Jack grinned with triumph. "Could you pass me the eggs, please?"

As he passed them his hands lingered, as they were inclined to do so, on my fingers for far, _far_ longer than necessary and I forced myself to concentrate and not get distracted by Jack's terribly bad influence. Around him I get nothing done- ever!

"Are you sure mum won't mind?" Jack asked an hour or so later, as we relaxed. "I mean, she hates to be fussed over and she hates surprises."

"This might be the last birthday we have with her and I'm giving her a bloody present whether she likes it or not." I stated, matter-of-factly, "A cake is hardly anything huge now is it?"

"I guess… Yan?"

"Yes?"

"Are you.. I mean… This is all…" he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "are you okay? We haven't spoken all that much recently."

"All we've done is talk and… All we've done is talk and shag. What is there to talk about? Jack I am talked-out! I don't know what to say anymore!"

He sighed again. "I am taking about… I don't know. I worry is all." He hung his head.

"About what?" I pushed his chine up with my fingers. "Jack, tell me."

"I worry that perhaps you have not spoken to mum. I… When mum and I go out to the garden we have our time, a little snatch of peace. You.. And mum… I never see you together. I worry that you'll regret not saying goodbye."

"What?" I gasped snatching my hand away from Jack's cheek where it had been softly stroking. "How could you… What makes you thing I am not saying _goodbye_? Because I don't have private moments with Elspeth makes you think I'm letting her go _easily_? Do you know me at all, Jack?"

"I like to think I do! I'm confused though, Ianto! You seem to be letting her go- baking cakes instead of talking to her! It's like you are in denial or something!"

I snapped. "Oh fuck you Jack! I am not in denial. You and Elspeth communicate without words, don't you? What are you actually doing when you lie out there? You're talking to each other without words! Don't you see, Jack, that physical mourning isn't the only grief people go through? I don't display my grief and I'm not much of a talker but Elspeth understands. I thought you did too, clearly not. By making cakes and helping Elspeth around the house I am saying goodbye."

"You always helped around the house!"

"And you have always gazed at stars! Maybe previously you did it in private but the message is the same. I don't know how or if I can explain it but in my own way I am saying goodbye."

"I just…talk to her, please Yan? She… she says your quiet now, _too _quiet."

I frowned in confusion, Elspeth said this? "Jack... I don't understand. What did she say?"

"Look, I told her it was nothing. You've been fine around me recently and I thought you were happy but-"

I took Jack's hand in mine. "I _am _happy."

"Good, and I know that, but mum does not believe me. She says you aren't talking to her and she's scared you aren't coping. Please, Yan, I beg this of you, talk to her and put her mind at rest- I know it is nothing but mum is ill and she's scared and its making her think like crazy and she wants to plan. She is trying to get a structure to her life and she needs you. I'm no good at that, I run in head first and think of the consequences later, so please, look after here where I can't."

"Jack I.. Didn't know. I thought she was ok?"

"She was, this came on only a few days ago and I've no idea what is wrong but, in a way, I don't want to know. Maybe she's developing a mental illness maybe it will go away, just...talk to her and we will see. Now, can we please forget this? Go talk to her now: I'll get the cake ready."

Slowly I crept up the stairs and to Elspeth's room. Inside I could see dim morning light filtered by the curtains; I walked towards them and looked outside. From this window, at the back of the house, you could see past the gardens and if I really strained my eyes I could make out what may have been the bay, but it was too distanced to tell.

The sounds of Elspeth snuffling woke me from my day dream. She shifted a little and I watched her with a fond smile gracing my features.

She looked so frail and old, in the few weeks we'd been back from Scotland Elspeth's health had deteriorated. By now, she looked ill. If I am honest, the emotional drain is what I believed did it. According to her doctor she was in great health, excusing how weak she was: some of which caused by the cancer and some by age. Still, she was only 62 and had been fit as a whistle all her life until now.

However it had attacked and it had attacked fast. I saw how much she struggled to keep the house tidy and I had often taken the moments when Jack and Elspeth were outside to race around the house tidying and preparing meals. Elspeth would give me a kind smile and I had known she appreciated it but what had Jack been talking about?

It had become clear to me, recently that Elspeth had been getting worse and maybe I might have blocked of parts of myself to prepare for the inevitable but I never believed it could affect Elspeth. The only way I could find out what was really wrong would be if I woke her and asked.

So, I lightly shook Elspeth who gave a start then relaxed with a raspy sigh. "Would you like a drink? Jack's in the kitchen."

"No." she croaked. "I am alright, what you doing here Ianto? Nothing's happened has it?"

"No, nothing is wrong. Jack said you wanted to talk to me."

"Oh, really? I can't ever imagine why, did he say anything else, my boy?"

My heart nearly broke as she struggled to think of what could be wrong. "Don't think so hard, love," I said, uncharacteristically, "he said it was something about me being too quiet. Said you were worried?"

"Oh, yes. Well… You see, Ianto. Since you came back from Scotland I've noticed you to be a little less… you have been more subdued. I wondered if, perhaps, something was wrong?"

"I…Elspeth this is not easy to say.. You are.. Let's just face it; soon you will be leaving us. Jack and I, the world, however you want to put it. I came to terms with that quite quickly; decided to seize the time we have left. I don't like it, but I accept it. However, that does not mean I will stand back and have no defences up for when then inevitable comes." I sighed at what I had been saying so often -'the inevitable'- not one of us liked the word death. We had used it, of course, but 'the inevitable' had less doom around it. Or maybe more? It didn't matter. "Saying less… Trying to hide… Closing myself from the out world… All ways I defend myself from pain. I was so much work to Jack once Lisa left. It took him months to get me to talk about it- when I did I spilled it all of course."

She chuckled softly, then reached up to touch my hair with a comforting wrinkly hand, "Ianto Jones, don't ever hide from the world. You have _so _much to give, _so _much. Here and now I place my trust in you to look after my Jack when I'm gone. And, even more importantly, look after yourself Ianto. Don't let Lisa, or Gwen, or Angelo," my eyes widened, Elspeth laughed, "you're my son, Ianto, I can tell when you hate due to jealousy!"

"I was not jealous!"

She raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Maybe you thought you weren't, but honestly, think about him. Jack adored Angelo, did he not? The man hurt him billion times before Jack finally let go- and that was when he called him the Devil!"

"Alright, alright, I was jealous. Not that I knew it!"

She laughed. "Back to the point. Do not ever let anyone hurt you- if they try to, then take a deep breath and smack 'em one! No, I'm only joking, although take my word for it, Ianto you are worth far more than those fools. You are… You are a Harkness." She smiled.

I gazed at her for a moment, astounded by the trust, loyalty and truth in her eyes. I could barely summon the words so instead I embraced her, "Thank you."

"It's my pleasure."

Once Elspeth had been lead down to the kitchen door I paused. "Elspeth?"

"Yes?" she whispered back.

"I need to make sure you understand something. What is the date today?"

"Why, Ianto I'm not sure!"

"It's May 3rd."

At first the date undoubtedly meant nothing to her, then, as she wracked her brains, it came to her and her face took on a disapproving smile. "Ianto Jones!" she mock-glared. "How could you find it in you to remind a woman of her age!"

I smiled and slowly opened the door. Jack had transformed the room and even I gasped.

There were no streamers or banners or party poppers or party hats. Instead, the table had a deep red silk cover, there were scented red candles dotted around the room and Jack had somehow dimmed the lights. The now strawberry sponge cake was placed in the centre of the table with white candles around it. The entire room gave a vibe of relaxation and it was like stepping into a warm bath after a tiring day.

"Jack…Ianto…" Elspeth gasped, her gaze fluttering between the two of us, when words apparently failed her she simply stepped to hold me and Jack.

I wanted desperately to say something to Jack, I wanted to thank him. He had made this birthday perfect and it would be a day with Elspeth I would remember forever.

"Happy birthday." We mumbled in her ear.

When released from Elspeth's warm arms I turned towards the coffee machine and laughed to myself, flicking a look at Jack who grinned, when I noticed the red ribbon attached to it.

By the time the coffee was made, Jack and Elspeth had carefully removed the white candles and randomly placed them, still lit, around the room and the cake had been cut. Elspeth was sharing it out when I passed around the coffee.

For a long while we chatted and smiled and joked. Jack and I got into a debate about if X-Factor was a show worthy of people's time and Elspeth calmly excused herself for a lie down- we had been talking for hours.

Elspeth left and I stood up walking to Jack, extending my hand. "Come on, get up."

"Why?"

I saw he would not be rising anytime soon and chose to instead pull him to me. "Thank you." I whispered before kissing him soundly on the lips, "This day could not have been more perfect."

He grinned, "I agree. You are wearing a particularly striking shirt today." He purred.

I gave a mock-gulp and started to move away but Jack grabbed me and tugged me back to him for another hungry kiss. We gasped for breath and I sighed contently giving Jack a smile. The one that lit up his features in return made my heart skip a beat and I hid the _adoring _look on my face in the crook of his neck. I wasn't sure if he noticed or not but my eyes sparkled even more when I caught a glimpse of the same look on him.

**A/N Cheers :D**


	15. Chapter 15:Part Fourteen: Part 1

**A/N Sorry, it's late and short. But i make it ups to you by posting the funniest video ever- Doctor Who fans (and Barrowan fans :L) You must see these! **

****/watch?v=giaMRyn47Xg ****

****and ****

****/watch?v=3s4Czla6tXc&feature=related ****

****(youtube btw :L)****

Over the past 3 weeks Toshiko had been sending coursework to myself and Jack via email, I was keeping up to date and Jack was much more excited by the prospect of the cinema. For days he had been insisting we go; it was getting painful to hear.

"No. I have said it once and I will say it again- I do not want to go!"

"Yannnn! We need to go on a date- we _still _haven't had our first date! I do not actually understand why we haven't!"

"For your information, Jack Harkness, we have not been on a date because of life!" I sighed, looking solemnly at my partner, "It's getting hectic. I'm sorry but, what with coursework and looking after this house and looking after you and your bothers, I have no time! Plus there is the fact several hours must be taken out of my day because of your … pestering!"

"Well I'm sorry if I want to spend some time with my boyfriend!" Jack sarcastically countered.

"I said already that it's life- I! Have! No! Time!"

"Then why do you spend so long doing work? We don't even need to hand it in! You are a serious workaholic, Ianto, I am worried about you. When you aren't tidying or cooking or helping mum you are working- where do I fit in!"

"You cannot play that card with me, Jack! I love you, you know it, I know it and Elspeth knows it. I would adore to be spending my time with you but- currently- I do not have that to give. My work is important- I need to do it. I would have fallen apart without Tosh!"

"See, that is my problem," he shook his hands emphasis, "why can't I distract you? You escape in work, and I understand that, but what are you escaping from?" I raised an eyebrow and opened my mouth to speak but Jack cut me off, "Yes, I know that you want to get away from that but… Can you not come to me? Talk to me? Offload rather than ignoring it and letting everything build up- I thought we learnt that not talking to each other does not help?"

I breathed deeply- really, how many times have Jack and I had conversations such as this one? "Fine. I will go out with you tonight or whenever- if Elspeth is okay with it."

"No, Yan: you are saying that but you don't mean it. I want a date you _want_ to go on. I will not go out with you when I know you are really thinking of the attachments in Toshiko's emails."

I huffed in frustration then grabbed Jack's hand. I worked out quickly that Jack understands relationships best through physical evidence rather than words. "Mr Harkness, I feel you need to be informed that, I, Mr Jones, _DO WANT_ to date you for no reason other than my love for you and my need to escape _with you _out of this house. No fights, no excuses, no backing out, okay? Accept what I am saying no questions asked, one day, hopefully soon, I will find a way to prove this. Now, I believe there has been enough angst here to last us today- lets explain to Elspeth- yes?"

"Okay- but really, Yan, I think after the.. Gwen incident.. you will realise I'm not great with rejection. And well I'd just like to-"

"Enough angst I said!"

He smiled. "Okay, let's go."

As it happened Elspeth radiated happiness for the rest of the day when we told her we were _officially _dating, in fact, her reply was, "about bloody time- call yourself a couple?"

* * *

><p>In the afternoon, Jack and Elspeth went to the garden and after a quick dash around the house I scurried to the computer room where I found an email from Tosh awaiting. It was a friendly note and not work; It was in reply to a text I had sent her earlier.<p>

_Ianto, films? Honestly? I would suspect that you, of all people, would understand that Jack does not behave like most. You expect him to keep his hands to himself in that dark room for 2 hours? I advise you do not go to the cinema. Or to wear a long coat, if you know what I mean… *wink wink*_

_My idea also brings a solution to your problem of Jack's Dating Doubts (as they are, from here on, to be referred to as- if you need clarification these are the worries that you do not want to date him)._

_I suggest that you announce to Jack that you have searched films and wish to see (insert film of Mr Ianto Jones's choice- any Bond showing?). However, this, Ianto, is the sneaky part, really you have been reading this email and reserving a table for two in a romantic restaurant. _

_I feel it is fair to say this in an ingenious plan. Do you not agree?_

_REPLY WHEN YOU DECIDE- I MUST KNOW IF I SHOULD BE A RELATIONSHIP CONSULATANT!_

_Tosh xx_

My first reaction was to be terrified.

A date in a restaurant- where there could be families- with Jack Harkness. An explosion was bound to happen and… In all honesty, to me, being so public about our relationship was scary. I was at peace with Jack, and I know that it is the problem of the homophobic person, but I am not as brave as him.

For example, if someone skips the queue in a supermarket I let them. If someone skips in front of Jack all hell breaks loose. At first he tries to charm them away and if they don't leave he gets all 'you aint the boss o' me so piss off!' and yells the whole store down.

But that was only my first reaction. My second was to squeak as I realised the look that would appear on Jack's face when he saw all the things I'd done… So… I replied quickly to Tosh, '_Thanks, love the idea, you've saved me Toshiko- thank you, thank you, thank you! Got to plan- CHEERIO!'_

Next I… Well… I planned.

It would be one hell of a night…

**BTW I am not sure when the next update will be. I am in a play everynight this week, then I have exams for 2 weeks after that, then a school drama performance of Aladdin (who i will always think of as Barrowman :P) in which I am in school till 9pm latest for everyday (I HATE SCHOOL!) then I am singing in a choir performance and have practise for that! It's crazy!**


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